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KEY HUNT

I was running late as I opened the closet door and grabbed my coat. “Have a great day!” I called to my son Alex as he came out of his room.
“Thanks. You, too.”
I went into the kitchen and reached into the basket where we keep our keys. “Oh, for the love of...”
“Your keys aren't there?” Alex came into the kitchen.
“Oh course not!” I looked around the counter top, hoping that when I tossed them I'd missed the basket. They weren't there. “I hate this game!” I cried as I began looking around the house.
“For someone who hates this game you sure play it a lot!” Alex laughed as he began helping me look.
I went to look in my purse. Rummaging my hand around hoping to feel the metal of the keys. I finally grew tired and flipped the purse over, dumping the contents out on the chair. No keys. “Ugh! Have I mentioned I'm late!” I cried as I tossed the purse on top of the mess. I went to open the front door.
“Do you think you left them outside?” Alex asked with a confused look on his face. “How'd you get in the house without your keys?”
I looked at the doorknob. “No, I wanted to see if I left them hanging in the lock.” I looked at Alex as I shut the door. “I only did that once.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Don't judge me.” I said as I went to check the coffee table. “Nope.”
I stood looking around the room. “Ah ha!” I went over to the closet and began patting down my coat pockets. “Oh, come on!” I swung the door shut.
“Wow! You really wanted to play the longer game of find my keys today!”
“Not funny.” I said as I moved the pillows on the couch. “Did I mention I don't have time for this!”
“I'll go check your bedroom.” Alex walked down the hall.
“Thanks!” I called “I'm going to check the laundry room.” I made my way downstairs. Opening the laundry room door I flipped on the light and sure enough, there were my keys, sitting on the ironing board. Scooping them up I jogged up the stairs back to the living room. “Found them!” I called.
Alex came down the hall. “Where were they?”
I was stuffing the contents from my purse back into it. “The laundry room.”
“How'd they get there?” Alex shook his head.
“I have no idea.” I looked at my watch. “Well, there's ten minutes I'll never get back!” I grabbed the things I needed for work and headed for the door again.
Alex opened the door for me. “Try and have a better day.” he said as he held the door for me.
I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for helping me look.” I went out of the front porch.
“Hey, I love playing that game. Almost makes me want to hide them again!”
I stopped and swung around to look at him.
“Just kidding!” he held his hands up in a surrender. “I swear, whenever I find your keys I toss them in right in the basket for you.” He slowly began closing the door. “I can tell by the look on your face that it was too soon to joke about it though.” The door was almost closed when I heard him call. “Love you!”

TONE IT UP

My son Alex walked into the living room where I was sitting on the couch lifting five pound weights in the air. “What are you doing?” he asked as he sat in a chair across from me.

“I'm toning up my arms.” I pressed the weights up in the air.

“Are you suppose to be locking your elbows like that?” Alex seemed concerned.

I shook my head. “I have no idea.”

“I don't think that's the way you're suppose to be using them.” He grabbed a pillow and put it behind his head.

I put one weight down on the coffee table and began using just one to curl up to my shoulder.

Alex shook his head as he put his feet up on the coffee table. “Seriously, who showed you these exercises?”

I put the weight down. “Nobody. I made them up myself.” I felt my bicep. “I'm not too concerned about this part.” I waved my arm back and forth as I pointed under my arm. “It's this wiggly part that's driving me crazy!”

Alex laughed. “I'm sure there's real exercises you could be doing.”

I reached for my phone. “I'll Google it.” I began typing. 'How to get rid of flab' Wow! I didn't even have to finish typing it went right to flabby arms!” I scrolled through several videos. “Okay, here's one that says I'll see a difference in one week! Can't beat that!” I clicked on the site then sat back and watched. “Good news is, it's only ten minutes long.” I put my feet up on the coffee table. “Yeah, even better news I don't need the weights!”

I began listening to the chipper young girl who'd decided to film the video in what looked like her apartment. I turn the phone sideways to enlarge the picture. “I can't believe her kitchen has no counter space.” I look over at Alex. “How's she suppose to make a meal in there?”

Alex laughed. “Aren't you suppose to be doing it with her?”

I looked back at the video and could hear a puppy barking. “Where's the dog?” I asked the screen. The girl answers my question by telling the viewers that her puppy's in the other room. “Oh, man! I was hoping to see the puppy.” I leaned back holding the phone in my lap. She moved on to the next exercise. “Well, this one doesn't seem that hard either.”

“Why don't you try them with her?” Alex asks.

“I'm just want to see what I'm getting into.” I look back at the video. “Is that a boombox on the floor?” I look over at Alex. “Who has one of those anymore?” I shake my head. “She doesn't have any furniture but she has a boombox.” I'm still shaking my head.

“Any idea when you're planning on starting the exercises yourself?” Alex asks.

“Okay, she's getting to the end of her routine.” I could hear her panting. “Sounds like she's a little out of breath.” I looked over at Alex. “That's a good thing. No pain, no gain, right?”

“That's what they say.” Alex agreed.

The video finished. “Well, that might be a good one.” I said as I clicked it off.

“Aren't you going to try it?”

I nodded my head. “Yup. I'm pretty sure that's the one I'll use.”

Alex looked confused. “So...”

“Today was all about the research.” I put my phone on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch. “I'll start the program tomorrow.”

WHEEL OF COLOR

I'd just gotten back from a hairdresser's appointment and I was in the kitchen starting dinner when my son Alex came in. “Whoa! You changed your hair color!”

“Well, I didn't really have much to say about it.” I pulled out a pan from the drawer and put in on top of the stove.

“What do you mean you didn't have much to say about it.” He went to the cabinet and took out a glass then went to the refrigerator to get some water. “By the way it looks nice.”

“Thanks!” I stopped and took the ends of my hair between my fingers and tipped my hair up to look at it. “I guess I'm a brunette now.” I looked at Alex. “Does it have some auburn highlights?”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “I have no idea. I just know you left as a blond and now you have brown hair.” He leaned against the counter top and took a sip of water. “So,” he placed his glass down. “You didn't ask to change the color of your hair?”

“Nope. I never do.” I shook my head. “Denise looks at me when I walk into her shop and says things like, 'Do you want to warm up your color?' or 'We should really tone that down a bit.' and I just shake my head and say sure.” I went to the refrigerator and got out some burger meat. “Then she goes back in some small closet to put together my new color.” I walk over to the counter next to the stove and began making patties. I looked over at Alex and smiled. “Personally, I picture her holding a color chart where she flicks a spinning arrow to see what color I'm going to be.” I put the patties in the pan and turn on the stove. “She's like a chemist as she mixes all the ingredients into a little bowl, comes out, paints my head, turns on a timer, and forty five minutes later I get to see what color hair I'm going to have!” The burgers begin to sizzle in the pan. “Can you get the salad out of the fridge and put it on the table?”

“Sure.” Alex goes to the fridge and gets the salad. As he was walking to to table he passes behind me. “It does look nice.”

“Thanks.”

Alex came back and leaned against the counter. “But don't people usually tell the hairdresser what color they want to be?”

“I'm assuming yes.” I looked over at Alex. “But Denise and I have been doing this for years. She knows all I want to do is cover the gray and as long as she doesn't pick a cartoon color we're all good.” I took the spatula and flipped the burgers.

Alex shurgged his shoulders. “Well, if you're happy. I'm happy.”

Just then my husband Steven came into the kitchen. “Hey, I remember when you were that color a few years ago.”

I looked over at Steven and smiled. “Denise thought it was time to warm my color up.”

Steven looked confused. “What's that suppose to mean?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I wasn't sure either.” I smiled as I pointed to my head. “But I guess it means this!”

FLY SHOWDOWN

“I can't believe we're able to sit outside today.” I said as I turned my face up to the sun. “We were driving through a snowstorm the other day!”

My son Alex was leaned back in his Adirondack chair. “It's been pretty crazy weather.” Alex agreed. “Hey, look at this.”

I looked over at Alex who was pointing to a fly sitting on his leg. “It's January. Pretty weird seeing a fly this time of year.”

“Everything's confused.” I sighed. “I was driving the other day and saw a forsythia with a few blooms on it already.”

Alex shooed the fly from his leg but it just flew to another part of his pants. “This thing's the size of a small bird!” Alex shooed it again. It flew and landed on the arm of his chair. We watched as the fly slowly hopped around until it was facing him.

I laughed. “Looks like he's not done with you!”

We watched as the fly’s little legs danced back and forth on the arm of the chair, continuing to face toward Alex. “Well, this is creepy.”

“He looks like he's ready for a fight.” I laughed again.

Just then the fly took off heading straight for Alex's face.

“Whoa!” Alex laughed as it quickly landed on his face before he swatted it off. “I think I made him mad.”

I waved my hand around in case he decided to double back towards us again. “I'm sure they serve a purpose but I'm not a big fly fan seeing that they spend most of their time combing over garbage piles and landing on poop!”

“Oh, that's a nice thought.” Alex said as he brushed the shoulder of his sweatshirt against his face. “I just had his little garbage feet dancing on my face.”

“Well, now its got me interested.” I said as I picked up my phone and Googled 'Flies you see in the winter.' I scrolled through a few sites. “Okay, it says that it's probably a Cluster fly.”

“Well, that sounds disgusting.” Alex laughed.

“Wait!” I held up the phone. “Good news. Cluster fly’s are completely parasitic on earthworms!”

“What?” Alex looked confused. “How's that suppose to make me feel better?”

“They lay their eggs near earthworm's burrows and the larvae feed on the earthworms!”

Alex shook his head. “That doesn't answer what the adults eat.”

I scrolled further. “It says the adults eats nectar, plant sap and fruit.” I looked over at Alex. “See

it's all good.”

Alex looked around our stark yard. “Okay, where's the nectar, plant sap and fruit it's eating?”

I sighed. “Okay, I see your point. But in his defense he's really suppose to be hibernating right now.”

“Bloated garbage feet.” He wiped his face again.

“Ahh, you named him!”

REOCCURRING NIGHTMARE

I'd just gotten up and was headed to the kitchen when my husband Steven stopped me in the hallway.

“Morning.” he said giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. “How'd you sleep?”

I shook my head. “I had that same stupid nightmare again.” I sighed.

“Which one?” he looked concerned.

“The one where my only mode of transportation is an office chair.” I rubbed my eye with the back of my hand. “I swear this must be the fifth time I've been in the middle of a dream and I walk outside and there it is, sitting in our driveway, an ugly black office chair on wheels!” I tried to stifle a yawn. “I can't figure out why I keep having that chair pop up!”

Our son Alex came out of his room. “Morning!” he said as he headed towards the kitchen.

“You're not going to believe what had a cameo appearance in my dream last night.” I said as I followed him out to the kitchen.

“The office chair?”

That caught me by surprise. “Yeah! How did you know?” I got my tea kettle and went over to the sink to fill it with water.

Alex laughed. “I just heard you tell Dad.” He reached in the cabinet to get two mugs.

“Okay, that makes sense. ” I put the kettle on the stove and turned it on. “I remember the first time I had that dream.” I turned around and leaned against the counter. I looked over as Steven came into the kitchen. “I walk out of the house and there's the office chair sitting in the driveway where my car should have been. I was late for work so I felt like I had no other choice but use it. I was so embarrassed as I wheeled myself down the street. First I tried sitting forward, digging my heels in but I wasn't going very fast and I getting anxious because I was late. So, I turned my seat around and pushed with my legs as I looked over my shoulder to see where I was going.” I shook my head. “I remember sitting at a light watching the other people in cars just staring at me.” I gave a little snort. “At least now, when I see the office chair in my dreams, I hear myself saying, 'Seriously, not again!' and the dream usually ends.” I looked from Steven to Alex. “Why do you think I keep dreaming about that stupid chair?”

Steven shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “I have no idea.”

Alex put the tea bags in the mugs and placed them by the kettle. “I know why you had it last night.”

I looked over at him. “Really? Why?”

“Don't you remember when we were out yesterday? We drove by an office chair, someone was throwing out. It was laying on it's side by the curb?” He leaned against the opposite counter from me. “You're always talking about those dreams so I said, 'Looks like someone got in an accident, hope no one got hurt.'”

“Oh yeah!” I laughed as I nodded my head. “You're right, that does explain it.” I felt better knowing what caused it. The kettle started to whistle so I turned off the stove. “But that still doesn't explain why I had the dream the first time.” I looked at Alex as he held up his hands and shook his head.

“Don't ask me, I have no idea!”

I looked over at Steven. “Nope, not a clue.”

WINTER WALKS

“How about today?” I asked my son Alex as I stood next to the window.

Alex came over next to me and looked outside. “Nope. Too windy.”

“Ah, man.” I sighed. “What's the criteria again for outdoor walking?”

Alex looked over at the outdoor thermometer. “It needs to be 42 degrees and above, which it is.” Then he looked out the window again. “But it also needs to be full sun and no wind.” He turned back and looked at me. “There's no sun today and it's windy.”

I sighed again.

“Hey, we made these rules up together!” Alex laughed. “It's not like you weren't with me when we made the mistake of walking when it's too cold out, the suns not shining, and there's even a little breeze.”

“I know, but I just hate the treadmill.” I didn't bother keeping the disappointment from my voice.

“It's not so bad, I use it all the time.” Alex patted me on the shoulder before I went over and plopped myself on the couch, putting my feet up on the coffee table.

“But there's nothing to look at when I'm on the treadmill.” I frowned. “I might as well be using a hamster wheel.”

Alex laughed again.

“Wait, I take that back.” I slid my feet off the coffee table and sat back up, holding my pointer finger in the air. “At least a hamster wheel would be more fun!” I then settled further into the couch and my bad mood.

“So you've decided you're not going to walk at all?” Alex leaned against the door frame.

I didn't answer for a moment but then got up and began doing leg stretches. “I didn't say that.” I looked over at him and smiled. “But, instead of the treadmill do you want to go walk the mall with me?”

“We're just walking it right?” Alex looked suspicious. “You're not going to be doing any shopping are you?” His eyes narrowed even further as he studied my face.

I shook my head. “Nope. No shopping.” I held my hand up to swear. “Promise.”

“Okay then, sure. I'll go with you.” We both headed to our rooms to get ready.

Once my sneakers and a light sweatshirt were on I went back out to the living room.

Alex looked at me. “You're not going to wear a coat?”

I grabbed my car keys off the counter. “I don't want to walk the mall wearing a coat.” I held up the keys. “I'll just run outside and warm up the car.” When I came back in I couldn't help but shiver as I pushed my hair away from my face. “You're right, it is too windy out to walk.”

Alex went over to get some water bottles. “Are you ready?”

I reached for my wallet inside my pocketbook and pulled out my credit card.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked.

“You know I don't like to carry my pocketbook when we walk the mall.” I dropped the wallet back into my purse. “I'm going to lock it in the trunk.”

“I know that.” he pointed to the credit card I was slipping into my back pocket. “I'm talking about that.” he looked suspicious again. “Why do you need a credit card?”

“Why does anyone need a credit card?” I said as I gave him a big smile.

Alex just shook his head and sighed as he headed for the front door. “Maybe we should make rules for indoor walking too.”

I'M READY

“Okay, I'm ready!” I looked over at my husband Steven, who was sitting on the bench at the end of our bed, putting on his shoes.

“That's nice.” he said as he finished tying his shoe then looked up at me. “Ready for what?”

I opened the closet door wider so he could see the inside of the door. “My 2020 vision board!” I moved my hand along it's edge, my impression of what a product model would do.

Steven got up and moved closer to get a better look. “What's the picture of baskets for?”

“They're sweetgrass baskets from Charleston.”

“Aren't you going there this summer with your sister?” Steven looked confused.

“Not necessarily.” I sighed. “Things can always come up. That's why I put it on my board. So I can think about it every day until it actually happens.”

Steven nodded. “I'm liking the pictures of one hundred dollar bills.” He pointed to the picture.

“Thinking big!” I agreed.

Steven looked in my closet. “Why are all your hangers turned around?”

“Another way I'm getting ready for the new year!”

“By making it a pain to get your clothes out of the closet?”

I moved the hangers with my hand, making them more evenly spaced. “No.” I laughed. “I'll turn the hangers around when I wear something. Any hanger not turned around after the season is over means I never wore it and it's time to go to Goodwill.” I pushed my sneakers into the closet with my foot before closing the door.

“Well, it looks like you're all ready for the new year.” Steven smiled as he went towards the bathroom.

“Oh, but wait!” I called. Steven turned around. “I've done more!”

Steven laughed as he leaned against the door frame. “Okay.”

I went over to the side table and picked up my new daily planner. “I've already made doctors appointments for annual screenings.” I fanned through the pages. “And I've already marked days off from school and when spring break is happening.” I held the book up. “That's only 14 weeks away!”

“Well, that's terrific.” Steven smiled.

“Oh, last but not least!” I went over to my side of the bed and adjusted the stack of books that were on the floor. “I went to the bookstore the other day and bought a bunch of new ones to start my year.” I sat on the floor next to them smiling up at Steven. “Isn't it great feeling like you're all ready for the new year?”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “Sure, I guess.”

“What are you doing to get ready this year?” I asked as I adjusted the pile of books one more time before getting up from the floor.

Steven pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “I was going to go brush my teeth.”

“Seriously?” I watched as he got out his toothbrush and rinsed it under the water before putting some toothpaste on it. “I was going to clean out the refrigerator then maybe tackle the linen closet.” I added.

“Well, don't let me be the one to spoil your new year fun.” he looked at me in the mirror and smiled while I stood in the doorway shaking my head.

FOOLHARDY SQUIRRELS

“Hey Alex!” I called to my son as I walked toward his room. “I found out why the squirrels keep jumping out in front of our car lately!”

For the past few weeks we've had to play chicken with crazy squirrels as they darted out into the middle of the road. Clearly they're indecisiveness doesn't make it an easy game to play with them.

Alex came to his door. “Why?”

I held up my phone. “It's mating season!”

“In December?” Alex leaned against his door jam.

I looked back on my phone. “Says here that they have two litters a year. This one will be born in spring.” I looked up at him. “I guess the females are playing hard-to-get.”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “Or the girls aren't too happy with who's chasing them.”

I thought about that for a second, then nodded in agreement. “That's true.” I walked over to his window to look up at our leafless oak tree. Up at the very top was a squirrel's nest swaying in the wind. “Or maybe they don't want to be pregnant through the winter, clinging on for dear life as their house gets blown around in a winter storm.”

Alex came over next to me to look up at the tree. “Or maybe you give them way too much credit considering the size of their tiny brains.”

“Hey!” but I had to laugh. “They're actually pretty intelligent! We've both watched them figure out ways to get into my bird feeders!” I looked over at him. “And remember last year when the Cooper hawk was in our back woods? We watched that mom squirrel carry all of her babies to another nest two houses away!”

Alex nodded as he looked back up in the trees. “That's true but it sure seems like their road skills could use a little help. I mean really! Just pick a side! This darting to the left then faking to the right just gets you hit!”

I looked back to my phone. “You know the site I was on actually explained that. It says they're hard wired to do that so they can confuse their predators.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I kind of get it now. A little zigging and zagging would confuse a hawk.”

Alex looked over at me. “Yeah, well they might want to start evolving their hard wired instincts, adding cars into the mix.”

We watched out Alex's window as a car came down our street. A squirrel from our yard darted out in front of the car, stopped midway across, froze for a second before darting back to our yard.

“OHHH!” we both called out as the car barely missed the squirrel.

I looked over at Alex. “Seriously! What was the reason for that!”

Alex looked impressed. “Hey, he missed getting squished by an inch!” Alex looked over at me. “Maybe he's practicing trying to add cars to his hard wired instincts.”

I had to laugh. “Now who's giving them way too much credit?”

1940's CHRISTMAS

Fort Hancock was once a bustling Army base at the end of Sandy Hook NJ. Its whole purpose was to protect the New York Harbor during the World Wars. During World War II the population at the Fort was between 7,000 to 12,000 soldiers. This piece takes place at Fort Hancock which is now an historic landmark.

My girlfriend, Kathy sent me a text that one of the houses on Officers Row was going to be decorated in the 1940's era when the fort was at it's busiest. I was in!

The day of the event I swung by her house to picked her up. It was a foggy, drizzly day but we were both still excited to go.

“I've always wanted to get into one of the houses out there.” I said as we drove through the entrance of the park and started the long drive out to the Fort. Sand dunes were on each side of us as we passed the empty parking lots that, in the summer, would be packed with cars.

We parked the car and began walking along Officers Row. “Can you image living out here?” I asked as I pulled my collar up higher and braced myself from the wind whipping across the Raritan Bay.

“Not in the winter I can't!” Kathy said as we both climbed up the front steps.

Once we stepped through the door I began to feel as if I was being taken back to a different time. Men and women dressed in uniform from the 40's were stationed in every room ready to answer our questions.

Kathy and I went into the living room where the Christmas tree stood. The furnishings were from the 1940's, but instead of feeling like we'd just stepped into a museum I was really feeling like I was a little girl again who'd just stepped into my great Aunt's house!

“I think we had one of those.” I whispered as I pointed to side table.

We walked through the dining room and into the butler's pantry. It was stocked with so many familiar containers of spices and food items that I was beginning to feel old. I pointed to the apple slicer. “We had one of those too.” I sighed.

Another guest leaned over and said. “I feel like I could go into my kitchen right now and bring some things over here to add to their collection.”

Kathy and I both nodded in agreement.

We moved on to the kitchen. Kathy picked up an old potato masher. “Oh my gosh! I still have one of those!” I cried.

“Me too.” Kathy said as she put it back down on the table.

We moved upstairs where the nursery and other bedrooms were. We were greeted by a young gentleman dressed in 1940's uniform. He began explaining to us a little bit more of what it was like to live out on the peninsula.

“How bad was it in the winter?” I asked.

“It was bad enough that they used to nail the front doors shut when the wind kicked up and it snowed.”

Kathy and I just shook our heads. “It doesn't sound like much fun.”

“Oh, they had fun.” The officer explained. “They were still ballroom dancing then. In fact, you couldn't graduate West Point without taking ballroom dancing classes.”

I looked over at Kathy. “I had no idea! Did you?”

Kathy shook her head. “I've never heard of that.”

Our officer went on to explain some more about life in the 40's.

Another group came up the stairs and we wanted our officer friend to share his stories with them. Thanking him we went back down the stairs admiring the woodwork and small details you wouldn't expect to see in military housing.

Back out on the front steps I wanted to stop and admire the view they had from their front porch. Picturing them sitting in rocking chairs looking out over the Raritan Bay. But the wind had picked up and it was back to drizzling again so instead we hurried back to the car ready to enjoy the view from the warmth of the car.

A WHIRL OF STARLINGS

I was standing in front of the kitchen window looking out at our bird feeders when my son Alex came into the room.

“What are you looking at?” he asked as passed by me to go feed our beta fish Bubba.

“Remember how we both kept forgetting to fill the bird feeders this week?”

Alex picked up the small container of fish food and shook it in front of the tank. Bubba saw the container and swam out of his pineapple house and up to the top of the tank. “Of yeah, I'll fill them when I'm done here.”

“Don't worry, I filled them this morning.” I looked over at Alex as he dropped the pellets into the tank and closed the lid.

“Remember how I was complaining that without the feeders I wasn't see any birds at all?” I stepped out of his way as he headed to the sink to wash his hands.

Alex nodded his head yes as he turned on the water and reached over to get some liquid hand soap. “And I said the reason you weren't seeing any birds wasn't because of the empty feeders but because most of the birds had already flown south for the winter.” He took his soapy hands and began rinsing them off.

I pointed out the window. “I think I was the one who was right.”

Alex looked out at our back yard filled hundreds of starlings. Their black iridescent feathers catching the sunlight in such a way that they were really beautiful to watch as they swung from the feeders and covered the ground underneath.

“WOW!” Alex shook his head in disbelief. He turned off the water and reached for a paper towel. “I've never seem so many birds in one spot!”

“Starlings are pretty social birds, they like hanging out in big groups. But I've never seen this many at once.” I walked over to the back door. “Watch this.” I opened the door and the sound startled them, causing the hundreds of grackles to lift off at once swooping into the nearby trees. I stepped outside looking at the limbs of the trees filled with the birds. I looked back at Alex and smiled.

“Why'd you scare them like that?” Alex sounded annoyed as he dropped his paper towel in the garbage.

“Hey, it isn't the first time I've done it.” I closed the door and stepped over to the window next to him again. “Just wait.” I said.

We looked out the window and within seconds they were all back down on the ground eating again.

“See? They're all happy again.” I said.

Alex looked confused. “I still don't get it. Why did you want them to fly away, then come back?”

I looked over at Alex. “Because it fascinates me. Did you notice that even when they were startled they all flew as a group. Not one crashing into another.” I shook my head and sighed. “It just amazes me.” I looked back out the window. “Could you imagine that many people all in one place and something startling them?” I looked back over to Alex and pointed out the window. “It wouldn't be a beautifully orchestrated flight like we just saw, I can tell you that! It would be total mayhem! I can't even get down the aisle of the grocery store without someone bumping into my cart.”

Alex shook his head and laughed as he patted me on the shoulder. “You really do think of the weirdest things.”

CALM

The Christmas tree was up and some gifts were already wrapped and under the tree. I scanned the room looking to see what was next.

My husband Steven came into the room. “What are you looking for?” he asked as he scanned the room with me.

“What to do next.” I said as I walked into the kitchen and took a pad and pen out of the drawer. “I have to start my lists!” I held up the pad and pen for him to see. “You know, having a nice Christmas isn't magical!” I sat at the dining room table. “It's a lot of work! I need to be organized, making lists to make sure everything gets done!”

Steven came over and stood next to me. “You know Christmas is weeks away.” He looked over my shoulder to see what I was writing. “You're writing the menus for Christmas breakfast?” he started to laugh.

“Hey! You'll thank me when you have hash browns, bacon, eggs and croissants on Christmas morning!”

My son Alex walked into the room. “We're having hash browns, bacon and eggs Christmas morning?”

“Don't forget the croissants.” Steven reminded him.

“See, that's exactly why I make lists.” I ripped the page from the pad. “Okay that's done. What's on the dinner menu?”

Steven shook his head as he walked past Alex and patted him on the shoulder. “I'm leaving this one to you.”

Alex nodded than sat down across from me at the table. “When was the last time you meditated?” he asked.

“What?” I shook my head. “I don't have time to meditate! It's days before Christmas!”

“You're acting like you've had six cups of tea.”

“I only had two.” I shot back.

“You're never going to enjoy the holidays if you keep up this pace.”

I sighed. “I know, but I just don't have time to meditate.”

“It's ten minutes.” Alex picked up my phone and pointed to the meditation app I'd downloaded over the summer. “Ten minutes.” he said again.

“Fine.” I sighed. “I'll meditate.” I took my phone and grabbed my earbuds, then headed to my bedroom. I laid on my bed and put my earbuds in then tapped on my meditation app. The soothing female voice welcomed me as the sounds of burbling water and birds could be heard in the background.

I listened as she told me to follow my breath, explaining why I needed to clear my head of daily struggles. I smiled as I closed my eyes and fell further and further into the pillows of my bed.

Twenty minutes later there was a knock on my door. I opened my eyes to see Alex standing in the doorway. “How was the meditation?” he asked. “Do you do two of them?”

I sat up pulling, the earbuds out of my ears. “I'm not sure I'd call it meditation.” I stood up and did a quick stretch. “I'm pretty sure I just took a nap.”

“Meditation, nap.” Alex laughed as he shrugged his shoulders. “Doesn't matter what you call it as long as you feel better. Right?”

“I do feel better.” I said I put my hand up to my mouth, covering a small yawn. “I might actually do another one a little later.”

THE GIFT OF GLITTER

I was sitting at the dining room table writing out my Christmas cards when my son Alex walked by.

“Glitter!” he cried. “Are you kidding me?”

I looked next to the envelope that I'd been addressing. The card had a picture of Santa getting ready to go down the chimney, slung over his shoulder was his toy sack filled with wrapped gifts. The entire edge of the card was covered with gold glitter.

I smiled as I went back to addressing the envelope. “Isn't glitter fun!”

“No.” Alex shook his head. “It's not.”

My husband Steven walked in the room. Alex looked over at him. “Didn't we talk about this last year?” he asked.

Steven looked confused. Alex pointed to the cards on the table.

“Oh, yeah. I thought we said no glitter this year.” Steven said.

“Exactly!” Alex added.

I stopped writing for a second and looked at both of them. “I never agreed to that. When I get the mail this season I'm hoping it's filled with sparkly pretty cards.” I rubbed my nose with the back of my hand.

“See that's exactly my point!” Alex cried as he pointed to my nose. “Your face is covered in glitter now!”

I rubbed my nose again.

“Nope.” Alex shook his head. “You just put more glitter on.”

“It's fine.” I said as I blew some glitter off the table.

Alex looked at the chair that was in the direction of where I'd blown the glitter. It happened to be where he usually sat at dinner. “Great. My butt's going to be covered in glitter for another year.” he sighed.

“Oh, come on!” I got up and went over to his chair. Sure enough there was glitter on it. “Okay, fine.” I brushed it off. “Is that better?”

Alex shook his head. “You know we're going to be finding glitter on us until Easter.”

“Now you're just exaggerating.” I said as I went back to addressing my envelopes.

Steven sat down at the table and looked at the address book I was working from. “Remember a few years ago when everyone thought it would be fun to add confetti to an invitation?”

“Oh my gosh! I forgot about those!” I looked up from my writing and looked over at Alex. “You'd open the envelope and along with an invitation to the birthday party a handful of confetti would spill out!” I had to laugh. “'Please come to my party and now go vacuum your living room to remember me!'” I looked over at Steven. “Those invitations didn't last long.”

“No, they didn't.” He looked down at my Christmas cards. “That's exactly how we feel about glitter.”

“Wait! Glitter is timeless!”

“Not to us it isn't.”

Alex sat down next to him. I was beginning to feel like I was in the middle of a glitter intervention.

“Maybe you walking around with a few specks of glitter on you might seem cute but guys aren't thrilled with looking sparkly.” Alex explained.

I looked over at him and was afraid to tell him he already had a few specks on him. “You're right. Next year no glitter.” I promised.

“Good I'm glad we had this talk.” Steven said as he got up along with Alex to go into the living room.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched them both walk away with little gold specks of glitter shimmering on the back of their jeans.

WINDY WORK

I was sitting in a rocker on our front porch, my face tilted up to the sun when my son Alex came outside.

“Aren't you cold?” he asked as he sat in the rocker next to me.

I pulled the zipper of my sweatshirt up closer to my neck. “It's not so bad in the sun.” I answered as a gust of wind blew my hair in front of my face. “I want to be able to spend every second in the sun before it gets too cold outside and I'm stuck sitting in the house wishing for spring.” I reached up ready to pull my hair back in a ponytail when I realized by doing that my ears and neck would get too cold. So I reached back and grabbed the hood of my sweatshirt, tucked my hair inside and pulled the strings tight so that no hair could escape. “There. That's better.” I said as I leaned back in the rocker.

Just then an even bigger gust of wind came up and we watched hundreds of leaves begin twirling and tumbling down the street. I pointed to the leaves in the street. “I've just spent the last few seconds trying to think of the right words to describe the sound they're making right now.” I looked over at Alex. “What would you say? Is it scratching against the pavement or maybe the word rustling is a better fit.” I shook my head. “But rustling is more of a muffled sound.” I looked over at Alex. “What do you think?”

Alex laughed. “You know what I think? I've got the perfect word to describe it. Work!”

I tucked a stray hair back into my hood. “Work?”

Alex pointed down the street. “See all those nice big pile of leaves all our neighbors have put out to the curb?”

“Yeah.” I was confused.

“Wait for it.”

A big gust of wind came and began blowing the piles of leaves apart sending them tumbling down the street by the hundreds.

Alex pointed to our leaf covered front lawn. “That was completely clear two days ago.” he sighed. “Now look at it.”

I was beginning to understand his frustration.

That's when another gust of wind came, this time coming from a different direction and the leaves on our lawn picked themselves up and raced over to our neighbors lawn across the street.

I looked over at Alex and smiled. “See, it's all better now!”

I spoke too soon as another gust from down the street broke up more of the leaf piles and sent them scurrying to our front lawn again.

I got up from my rocker. “Okay, I'm going inside. I'll wait until the wind dies down to see who wins the most-leaves-from-the-neighbors-contest.”

Alex got up too. “That's a contest I'd be happy to lose.”

WOOLY WINTER

It was a brisk fall afternoon and my son Alex and I were walking through the park when I looked down on the pavement and saw a wooly caterpillar inching along in front of us. I stopped, putting my arm out before Alex accidentally stepped on him. “Did you know these guys can predict what kind of winter we're going to have?”

Alex looked down at the fuzzy black and brown caterpillar slowly making his way across the pavement. “No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me all about it.”

I grabbed my phone and began looking it up. “I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be rooting for?

Seeing more black on him or more brown.” I finally found the Google site I was looking for. “The longer the black bands, the longer, colder, snowier and more severe the winter will be.” I read. I looked over at Alex then bent down to get a closer look at the caterpillar. “I'm going to say the brown is wider so we're going to have a milder winter.” I announced before I stood back up, happy with my prediction.

Alex looked down at the caterpillar. “I hate to be the one to say this but, I'm pretty sure the black and brown bands are about the same.” He looked back at me.

I looked back on my phone. “It says if the tail end is dark, the end of winter will be cold.” We both looked back down at the caterpillar. “How do you know which end is its end?” I asked.

Alex started to laugh. “I'm pretty sure he's walking front first across the pavement.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Hey, he could be working on his moon-walking skills, we have no idea what these little guys do for fun.”

Alex just shook his head.

I went back to looking on my phone. “It also says they have 13 segments to it's body which corresponds to the 13 weeks of winter!” I looked up and smiled “That's pretty interesting!”

We began walking again.

“You know, we really can't be letting one caterpillar decide what are winters going to be like.” I reasoned. “Let's see if we see another one.”

“Sure, why not.”

We both began scanning the walkway for any signs of another Wooly. It wasn't as easy as I expected it to be, with the fallen leaves tumbling around in front of us.

Finally Alex spotted another one. “Look at that one.” he said pointing to the completely brown caterpillar.

I actually felt my heart begin to race as I got down on one knee to take a closer look. “Oh my gosh! Do you know what this means?” I looked up at Alex.

Alex looked confused and shook his head. “No, what does it mean?”

I pointed to are little friend slowly making its way across the pavement. “Not a speck of black on him! It means we're going to have a really mild winter!” I got back up and couldn't help but smile. “Isn't that great news!”

Alex laughed again and we began walking again. “Do you really believe that?”

I wrapped my scarf tighter around my neck. “I really NEED to believe that.”

TIMES UP

My son Alex and I were getting in the car when I paused and couldn't help but feel a little sad. “Well, I guess it's time.” I said as I brushed off some sand that was on my seat before I climbed in and started the car.

“Time for what?” Alex buckled his seat belt.

I reached over to turn on the heat. “It's finally too cold to visit the beach anymore.”

Alex put his hood up from his jacket. “We can still park down there. I'm just not getting out and sitting on the sand anymore.”

“I know. That's what I mean.” I brushed some more sand from my seat. “I've put it off long enough. It's time to get the car cleaned out.” My car had a black interior so the sand on the seats and floor were pretty noticeable. “I just kept hoping local summer would pop up again and we could get one more time to just sit on the beach and listen to the waves.”

Alex reached over and turned up the heat. “I'm pretty sure the beach season is over.” He reached over and patted me on the shoulder. “But it's still nice out.”

I backed the car out of the driveway. “Remember a few weeks ago when we saw that pod of dolphins?”

Alex laughed. “You mean the ones that were heading south?”

“Oh yeah.” Now I had to laugh. “Seems like they're brighter than we are.” The car hadn't warmed up yet and I couldn't help but shudder. “I wish we could be heading south right now.”

We were on our way to the grocery store but I decided to stop at the car wash first.

“You're really getting the car washed now?” Alex didn't look thrilled as I pulled in.

“We might as well get it over with.” I got on the line with about a dozen cars ahead of me.

Alex sighed. “This is going to take forever.”

“It'll go quick, I promise.” I began looking around the car picking up things that I wanted to throw away before we got to the front of the line. I looked in my center console. “Ahh, all our parking stubs from Point Pleasant, Manasquan and Asbury Park!” These were all shore towns we'd visited over the past few months. “I guess they're trash now.” I crumpled them up getting ready to toss them in the bin. I looked over at Alex. “I love the fall, I really do! But I have to tell you I've never been a fan of winter.”

Alex patted me on the shoulder again. “Don't worry. In a short six months we'll be back to our favorite time of year.”

I groaned. “How's that suppose to make me feel better!” I cried.

“Hey, it will fly by, you'll see.” he slumped down in his seat. “It'll go by about as quickly as this car wash line.” he grumbled.

ARE YOU SICK?

I was sitting in the living room watching television when all of a sudden, “Ah-Choo.” I hadn't even felt the sneeze coming but luckily I was able to catch it in the crook of my arm.

“Are you sick?” my son Alex came into the living room.

My husband Steven came in from our bedroom. “Who sneezed?” he asked.

“Mom.” Alex tipped his head in my direction.

“It was a sneeze!” I cried. “I'm not sick! It's probably allergies.” I couldn't help make a slight sniffling sound.

Alex sighed. “She's sick.”

Steven went into the kitchen and came back with a box of tissues and the pump bottle of hand sanitizer. “Here you go.” he placed them on the coffee table in front of me.

I grabbed a tissue. “Thanks, but I'm not sick.”

Alex went into the linen closet and came back with a can of Lysol.

“You two are being ridiculous!” I said as I took the can from him and began walking around the room spraying the television remote and the couch I'd been sitting on.

“Let's just be on the safe side.” Steven called as I went into the kitchen and began spraying all the door handles and drawer knobs. “It's not a good time for me to get sick right now.”

I came back into the room spraying light switches and anything else I could have possibly touched. “When's it ever a good time?” I asked.

Steven sighed. “You know what I mean.”

Alex went back into the kitchen and brought back a bottle of water he handed to me. “Here you go. When you're coming down with a cold you should really stay hydrated.”

I put the Lysol on the coffee table and took the bottle from Alex. “Thanks, but again, I'm not sick.”

Steven placed the back of his hand on my forehead. “You don't feel like you have a fever.”

I took a sip of water. “Seriously, you two. I just sneezed.” I sat back down on the couch and couldn't help but snuffle again.

Steven and Alex looked at one another. I could see the concern on both their faces.

“Fine.” I got up from the couch. “I'll take a Zicam. Will that make you both happy?” I went back to the linen closet and began rummaging though the box we kept the medicine in. “Found it!” I came back with the Zicam bottle. “Anyone else want to take one?” I popped one into my mouth before holding out the bottle to them.

“You're suppose to take one when you first get sick.” Alex reminded me. “And I'm not sick.”

“Neither am I, and I'm taking one!” I held the bottle out to Steven.

Steven held his hands up. “I'm good.”

I shook my head as I put the container down on the coffee table next to the tissues, hand sanitizer, and Lysol. “You guys are ridiculous.” I sat back down and picked up the television remote.

“Hey, don't get mad at us.” Steven said. “We just want to make sure we all stay healthy!”

“Not to change the subject.” Alex said. “But what's for dinner?”

I smiled as I looked up at both of them. “Well, if I am sick you don't want me touching your food do you?”

Steven looked over at Alex. “I guess we're ordering out.”

I raised my hand and smiled. “I vote for Italian!”

BYE BYE BIRDIE

“Are you sure you haven't seen any hummingbirds lately?” I was asking my son Alex as we stood on the back deck. Alex had just finished filling the bird feeders and was still holding the bag of seed.

“I'm positive.” he sighed. “You've asked me that question every day for the past week.”

“I know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I just don't want to take their feeders away too soon.” I looked at the woods at the back of our house. The leaves were beginning to change color with little peeks of orange appearing on some of the trees. “What if there's a straggler?” I looked at Alex before sweeping my hand in the direction of our yard. “Most of the flowers they like are gone, so they'd really need the feeder before heading South.”

Alex shook his head. “Weren't you the one telling me that the size of their brain, compared to their body size, is huge.”

“It really is!” I smiled and nodded my head. “They're really smart!”

“So if one is still hanging around, this late in the season, wouldn't that make him stupid?”

I shrugged my shoulders again. “You've got a point.” I sighed as I walked over to my red glass feeders and took them down from their posts. “I hate bringing them in.” I said as I walked to the door, the two glass feeders clicking together as I held them in one hand so I could open the door. “It's just another event that makes me feel like summer's over.”

Alex kicked away a few dead leaves before they blew into the house. “I'm pretty sure summer was over before you brought in the feeders.”

I went over to the sink and began washing them. “Did you know that hummingbirds are so smart that they can recognize the people that feed them?”

“Nope. Did not know that.” he said as put the bird seed away in the cabinet.

“Remember in the beginning of the summer when you and I were on the deck and that hummingbird flew a few feet in front of my face?”

“Oh yeah.” Alex leaned against the counter. “That was so weird.”

“Now it makes all the sense in the world.” I looked over at Alex. “He was trying to remember the face that would be feeding him.”

Alex started to laugh. “I was sitting right there, too! How’s he know you'd be the one feeding him and not me?”

Now it was my turn to laugh. “Oh come on! I told you hummingbirds were smart!” I turned off the water and placed the feeders on a paper towel to dry. “Wait a minute.” I leaned against the counter. “The day he decided to memorize me my hair was a mess, I was wearing my glasses, and I didn't have on any makeup!”

Alex looked confused. “So?”

I threw my hands up in the air, clearly annoyed. “So, now he's back South telling all his hummingbird friends that some frumpy old lady feeds him when he heads North!” I looked back at Alex. “Why couldn't he have studied me on a day I looked better?”

Alex just shook his head as he silently walked away.

LAUNDRY CRICKET

I was on my hands and knees on top of my dryer when my husband Steven walked by the laundry room.

He stopped in the doorway. “What are you doing?”

I was trying to peek behind the dryer. “You can't hear that?” I had to duck under the shelf trying to see past the dryer vent.

Steven listened for a moment. “You mean the cricket?”

“Yes!” I crawled over to the washer. “It's driving me nuts!” I peeked behind the washer. “Nothing!” I sat back on my heels listening for his call. “It's like trying to find out which smoke alarm is chirping 'low battery'.

The cricket called again. I scanned the room. “Now it sounds like it's behind the folding table!” I climbed off the washer and headed for the table. Getting on my hands and knees I pushed the laundry baskets out of the way. “Nothing!” I cried as I sat back on my heels waiting for the next call.

“So what do you plan to do if you find him?”

“I'll scoop him up and put him outside.”

“Don't you think he'll just find his was in again?” Steven was leaned against the door jam.

I shook my head and sighed. “You're probably right. This is a pretty smart one finding his way to the laundry room.” I looked up at Steven. “You know they eat material?”

Steven looked around the room at the baskets of laundry needing to be done. “Well he certainly came to the right place.”

I looked around the room. “Hey! It's been a crazy, busy week!”

Steven shook his head. “I'm not judging. I know how busy you've been.” He looked around again. “I'm just saying he's a smart one.”

The cricket chirped again. My head shot up and I scanned the room. “Where did it sound like it was coming from this time?”

Steven looked around the room. “I swear I think it was coming from that basket.” he was pointing to a basket of already sorted jeans and dark colored clothes.

“Oh, no ones going to be eating my clothes today!” I grabbed the basket and began loading the clothes into the washer. I made sure to carefully shake each item of clothing before placing it in the washer in case the cricket was clinging to it. Once the basket was empty and the washer was full I turned it on. “Well, it wasn't in there.” I dropped the laundry detergent in and closed the lid.

Leaning back against the machine I scanned the room again. “Where could he be?”

We heard the chirp again. I froze. “Did you hear where it came from?”

Steven pointed to the dryer. “Maybe he's in there?”
I was confused. “You really think he got in the dryer?” I opened the dryer door where a load of towels were waiting to be folded.

“Maybe you should take the towels out just to make sure he's not in there.”

I stopped and turned around. “Wait a minute.” I began to shake my head. “You didn't think he was in the laundry basket! You just wanted me to start a load of wash!”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “I'm all out of jeans.”

The cricket chirped again.

He shrugged his shoulders again. “I'm still going to say the dryer because I'm pretty sure were out of towels, too.”

ORDAINED

I was scrolling through my e-mail when one quickly caught my eye. I clicked on it and had to laugh. “Reverend Kathryn!” I cried. “I completely forgot about that!”

My son Alex, who was sitting across the room, looked up. “You're a Reverend?”

“No, but I almost was.” I opened the e-mail and began reading it to him. “Greetings Kathryn and Happy Anniversary! It's been nine months since you've become a minister.” I looked over at Alex. “I filled out the entire application but never gave them my credit card number.”

Alex looked confused. “What made you do that?”

I looked back at the e-mail. “Well, nine months ago I was watching a television program where someone's friend was officiating their wedding. I got curious about how you became one so I Googled 'How to become an ordained minister.'” I shrugged my shoulders. “Turns out it's not that hard.” I went back to the e-mail. “You pretty much fill out a form and for the low price of $39.99 you can get the classic wedding kit.”

Alex shook his head. “Which does what?”

I looked back at the site on my phone. “It says it's a great package to help me plan and officiate memorable and legal wedding!” I looked back at Alex. “Pretty great, huh!”

My husband Steven came into the room. “What's pretty great?” as he picked up the days mail I'd left on the coffee table and began sorting though it.

Alex was still shaking his head. “Did you know Mom wanted to become a minister?”

Steven stopped sorting and looked over at me.

“Wait,” I held my phone up. “I never said I wanted to become a minister. I just said I Googled it and filled out the form.” I looked over at Steven. “I just never gave them my credit card number.”

Steven looked confused as he put the stack of mail back down. “A minister?”

I shrugged my shoulder again. “I kind of thought it would be fun to add to my resume!” I smiled at the both of them. “'Works with children pre-K through 8^th grade and can also preform weddings!'” I moved the phone closer for Steven to see. “Reverend Kathryn! You've got to admit that's a pretty great title!”

“I guess.” Steven shook his head. “So why didn't you finish and give them your credit card?”

I sighed. “Because once I thought about it I realized I didn't want to be responsible for legally marrying two people.” I looked at Steven then at Alex. “What if they divorced? I'd feel completely responsible.”

“Seriously?” Alex looked over at Steven.

Steven looked back at me with a skeptical look. “There's more to it than that. Isn't there?”

“Well,” I couldn't lie. “As much as I'd love the title, I'm pretty sure we all know what would happen if I had to do any public speaking.”

Alex started to laugh. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

“Who wants to be married by someone who would be visibly shaking if they had to stand up in front of a crowd?” I shook my head at the thought.

“That's not even including the talking part.” Steven laughed.