ORDAINED

I was scrolling through my e-mail when one quickly caught my eye. I clicked on it and had to laugh. “Reverend Kathryn!” I cried. “I completely forgot about that!”

My son Alex, who was sitting across the room, looked up. “You're a Reverend?”

“No, but I almost was.” I opened the e-mail and began reading it to him. “Greetings Kathryn and Happy Anniversary! It's been nine months since you've become a minister.” I looked over at Alex. “I filled out the entire application but never gave them my credit card number.”

Alex looked confused. “What made you do that?”

I looked back at the e-mail. “Well, nine months ago I was watching a television program where someone's friend was officiating their wedding. I got curious about how you became one so I Googled 'How to become an ordained minister.'” I shrugged my shoulders. “Turns out it's not that hard.” I went back to the e-mail. “You pretty much fill out a form and for the low price of $39.99 you can get the classic wedding kit.”

Alex shook his head. “Which does what?”

I looked back at the site on my phone. “It says it's a great package to help me plan and officiate memorable and legal wedding!” I looked back at Alex. “Pretty great, huh!”

My husband Steven came into the room. “What's pretty great?” as he picked up the days mail I'd left on the coffee table and began sorting though it.

Alex was still shaking his head. “Did you know Mom wanted to become a minister?”

Steven stopped sorting and looked over at me.

“Wait,” I held my phone up. “I never said I wanted to become a minister. I just said I Googled it and filled out the form.” I looked over at Steven. “I just never gave them my credit card number.”

Steven looked confused as he put the stack of mail back down. “A minister?”

I shrugged my shoulder again. “I kind of thought it would be fun to add to my resume!” I smiled at the both of them. “'Works with children pre-K through 8^th grade and can also preform weddings!'” I moved the phone closer for Steven to see. “Reverend Kathryn! You've got to admit that's a pretty great title!”

“I guess.” Steven shook his head. “So why didn't you finish and give them your credit card?”

I sighed. “Because once I thought about it I realized I didn't want to be responsible for legally marrying two people.” I looked at Steven then at Alex. “What if they divorced? I'd feel completely responsible.”

“Seriously?” Alex looked over at Steven.

Steven looked back at me with a skeptical look. “There's more to it than that. Isn't there?”

“Well,” I couldn't lie. “As much as I'd love the title, I'm pretty sure we all know what would happen if I had to do any public speaking.”

Alex started to laugh. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

“Who wants to be married by someone who would be visibly shaking if they had to stand up in front of a crowd?” I shook my head at the thought.

“That's not even including the talking part.” Steven laughed.