WALKING ETIQUETTE

My son Alex and I have been spending a lot of time walking this summer. We've discovered new parks and walking routes all over the county.

It was as we were walking around one of our favorite shady routes (a mile loop around a rugby field) that I noticed a couple coming towards us with a large dog on a leash. I immediately dropped back walking single file behind Alex because the path wasn't very wide. As we passed each other I noticed they were still walking side by side causing me to go further into the tall grass. Once they were past I went back on the trail and began looking at my legs.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked.

“I'm tick checking.” I couldn't help feel annoyed as I brushed off a little speck of dirt that at first I thought was a tick. “How come we seem to be the only ones who have walking etiquette?” I said as we began walking again.

Alex started to laugh. “Walking etiquette, that's a good one.”

“I'm serious!” I saw a jogger coming towards us. “Watch.” As the jogger came closer I smiled and said, “Good morning!”

She smiled back. “Morning!”

After she passed I looked at Alex. “See, that's walking etiquette.”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “She was jogging.” he reminded me. “But I see your point.”

We could hear another jogger coming up behind us so we both moved to the side to let him pass.

“Thanks.” he said as he jogged by.

“You're welcome!” I called even though he had ear buds in his ears. I looked over at Alex and shrugged my shoulders. “I know he probably didn't hear me but I'm still going to be polite.”

“Hey, you're all about the etiquette now! I get it.” We'd finished the first loop and began to go around again.

We said 'Good morning!' a dozen more times, mixing it up with an occasional smile and a nod depending on how we were feeling at the moment.

“See! This is what I'm talking about.” I sighed. “It's a beautiful day, we're walking in the shade where it's nice and cool and we're on our second mile around the Rugby Loop!” I inhaled the wonderful pine smell and sighed again. “What a great day!”

We began seeing the same people as they were walking their second or third loop. We smiled and said our “Morning!” when I noticed an elderly lady, walking slowly by herself, coming towards us..

I looked over at Alex. “Good for her.” I said.

Alex looked confused. “Who?”

I tipped my head in her direction as Alex looked up the path.

“That's how I want to be when I get to be her age.” I took another deep breath of the pine smell. “Doesn't matter how slowly she goes, she's still out enjoying nature and getting some exercise!”

We were now within earshot of each other. “Morning” I called smiling and giving her a head nod.

“I've already seen you.” she grumbled under hear breath as she moved past us and continued her walk.

We waited until she was far enough away before we started to laugh.

“You still want to be just like her when you get older?” Alex asked.

BAG LADY

My son Alex put the bag of leftovers from the restaurant on the counter. “Do you want me to put these in the fridge?”

“You can put mine in, thanks.” I tossed my jacket on the chair.

My husband Steven took his container out of the bag. “I think I'm going to finish mine now.” he opened the silverware drawer and pulled out a fork.

Alex took the other two containers out of the bag and put them in the fridge. Then grabbed the bag they'd come in and was about to ball it up when I cried out. “Don't throw that away! It's a perfectly good bag. I can use that!”

Alex looked over at Steven and just shook his head as he handed me the bag. I very gently folded it up and placed it on the counter. “I'll put that with the other ones when I go to the laundry room.

Steven looked over at me. “Okay, I get reusing the gift bags but come on.” he looked over at the plain white bag I'd just put on the counter. “What are you going to use that for?”

“For the same thing we just used it for!” I picked it up afraid that one of them was going to toss it when I wasn't looking. “What if we have guests over for dinner and we want to send home some leftovers?” I held up the bag. “This is perfect!” I tucked it under my arm. “It's certainly better than a plastic grocery bag.”

Steven looked over at Alex who shrugged his shoulders. “Hey, it's a bag. If it makes her happy.”

I smiled at him. “It does make me happy.”

Alex leaned against the counter. “Okay, I get the gift bags and the plain bags but what do you do with the store bags you're always saving? I never see you using them.”

“Are you kidding?” I shook my head in disbelief. “I'm never using them again. I'm just keeping them.”

Alex looked confused. “What?”

“Look, I'm not saving just any store bags.” I sighed. “That would be silly. But when you get a bag from Tiffany's or say Louis Vuitton, the shopping bag is just as important as what you purchased!”

Steven eyes widened. “You bought a Louis Vuitton bag?”

I sighed again. “No, I'm still hoping to get one of those. I was just giving you an example.”

I watched as Steven sighed with relief. He got up from the table and put his fork in the dishwasher.

“When I travel and buy something from a cute little shop and they have a really nice shopping bag I keep those too because...” I shrugged my shoulders. “I don't know, I just like them!”

“So you just keep them?” Alex still looked confused.

“It's called collecting.” I explained to him.

“Some people call it hoarding.” Steven said in a low tone as he passed Alex to throw the plastic container in the trash.

“Wait!” I cried as he opened the trash bin. “We can reuse that!”

Steven looked down at the plastic container he held in his hand. “Are you serious?”

“Very.” I took it out of his hand and put it in the top rack of the dishwasher. “It's the perfect size to freeze extra sauce in!” I looked over at Alex. “When you're finished with your leftovers don't forget to put your container in the dishwasher too.”

Alex just nodded and looked over at Steven.

“Hey, you two should appreciate my recycling skills.” I leaned back against the counter and crossed my arms. “With all the money I'm saving on gift bags and containers maybe some day I'll get that Louis Vuitton!”

PERFECT SCALE

My husband Steven walked into our bedroom while I was making the bed. “We need a new scale.” he said as he walked to our closet and opened the door.

“Are you kidding me?” I pulled the sheets tight. “That's the best scale we've ever owned!” I argued.

Steven turned around to look at me. “But it never gives the right weight.”

I shook my head. “That's because you don't know how to work it.” I straightened the blanket.

“How can you not know how to work a scale?” Steven asked. “You stand on it and it's suppose to tell you your weight.”

“See, that's where you're wrong.” I pulled the comforter up. “We've had scales like that before and they've always made me unhappy.”

Steven started to laugh.

“It's not funny!” I cried. “You remember the last scale we had. I had to drag that thing all over the bathroom floor before I found the right spot that would weigh me what I wanted to weigh that day.”

Steven pulled out a pair of his shoes and walked over to the bench at the end of our bed. “Is that why we got rid of it?” he asked as he sat down.

“Of course.” I walked around his to straighten the other side of the bed.

“You told me it was broken.” he began putting on his socks.

I turned to look at him. “It was.” I couldn't believe he was having such a hard time understanding. So I tried again. “When a scale doesn't weigh me what I want to weigh, it's broken.”

“Is that why we've been through so many scales.” Steven looked surprised.

“Absolutely!”

“So how do you work this scale?”

“It depends on how much less you want to weigh.” I said. “If it's only five pounds, you stand on it, rock back on your heels until your toes are off the scale, and you're magically five pounds lighter!”

“Okay, what else do I need to know?” he bent over to tie his shoe.

Because he seemed so interested I continued. “If you want the perfect weight you lift your leg off the scale and tip a little to the right. That's when you know you're going to have a good weight day!”

When Steven didn't say anything I felt I had to add a precaution to my last sentence. “When you tip to one side, don't accidentally touch the wall if you get off balance. That throws the whole thing off and you'll have to start all over again.”

Steven stared at me for what I thought was a bit too long before he made his own suggestion. “What if I just go and buy my own scale?”

I shrugged my shoulders before I reached over to fluff the pillows. “Suit yourself. But it seems like a waste of money when we have a perfectly good scale already.”

BEST CAMP EVER

My son Alex and I were driving into a local park when I quickly hit the brakes. “Oh My God!” I pointed to a sign at the side of the driveway. “Best camp ever!” I cried.

Alex looked over at all the signs for all the different camps. They had Basketball Camp, Baseball Camp and Soccer Camp. It took him a second to read through them all before he saw what I was talking about and began to laugh. “Dodgeball Camp! Wow! They wouldn't even let us play that back when I was in middle school.”

“You haven't lived until you've been pegged in the face with an overinflated rubber ball!” I began to laugh. “Of course, the rules were 'never aim at the face'.” I looked over at Alex and shook my head. “No one ever followed that rule.”

Alex laughed. “Nope, nobody ever did.”

I shook my head. “Remember the sting you'd feel after that ball made contact on bare skin?”

“Depended on who was doing the throwing.” Alex added. “Some made it sting more than others.”

“True.” I nodded in agreement.

Instead of parking I began driving, following the arrow on the sign. “I have to find this camp.”

“Seriously?” Alex began to laugh.

“If you're crazy enough to sign up for this camp you've got to be a hardcore dodgeball player.” I looked over at him. “Don't you want to see it too?”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “I guess it could be fun to watch.”

I finally found the field they were playing on and pulled over to watch. “They look like middle school kids.” I put the car in park but left the engine running. There were about twenty children standing on the sidelines of a field watching while three others were running around. “They don't look very hardcore.” I had to admit I was a little disappointed. “I was expecting them to be in matching shirts with team name like Dodgeball Demons printed on the back.”

Alex shook his head. “It looks like a middle school gym class where they all just stand around.”

“Maybe they're on a break.” I reasoned. “It is pretty hot out.”

We saw that some of them had wandered over to a picnic table where all the water bottles were.

The girls on the sidelines stood next to each other talking, not really paying attention to the boys on the field, when suddenly one of the boys whipped a ball at the girls who were talking.

In unison Alex and I both called out “Ooh!” as we watched the ball ping off the side of one of the girls head, and she laughed.

“Yeah, that's about right.” Alex said as he shook his head and laughed. “Just like gym class.”

I put the car back in drive. “Hey, she took that hit pretty well. Maybe they are more hardcore then they look.”

I began driving back to the main part of the park. As we passed the camp signs again I couldn't help but smile. “I still say that's the best summer camp sign ever!”

CHIPMUNK CALAMITY

My son Alex and I were sitting on our newly power washed and stained deck. “I know we have to clean and re-stain the deck every few years, but I really hate it.” I sighed as I gently rocked back in my rocker.

“Why?” Alex looked confused. “It looks great!”

“I know but remember earlier in the summer when we were out here watching the chipmunks scamper all over the yard then dart under the deck? I'm pretty sure they'd made a burrow under there.” I looked around the yard. “I don't know if you've noticed but they've all left.”

Alex looked around the yard. Then got up to look over the railing of the deck. “You know, you're right. I don't see any of their holes.” He went back and sat. “That's too bad. They were fun to watch.”

I leaned back further in my chair. “Remember the three that used to chase each other all over the yard? Oh my gosh, they were so cute!” I pointed to a spot next to the bird feeder. “One was trying to get some seeds off the ground next to a mourning dove. That's when we saw the mourning doves do that weird move where he held up one wing. Then we found our that what they do when they think someones in their territory.” I started to laugh. “He looked like he was dabbing!”

Alex started to laugh. “Yeah, but the chipmunk wasn't very intimadatied! He just ran over the bird's back!”

“I'm pretty sure no one's taking the mourning doves too seriously with that move!”

That's when my husband Steven came out on the deck. “What are you guys laughing about?” he asked as he sat down next to me in his Adirondack chair.

“I was just telling Alex how sad I am that the chipmunk family that lived under our deck had to leave because we were mean and power washed and stained their roof.”

Steven looked confused. “So you were showing your sadness by laughing?”

“No.” Alex said. “We were talking about all the funny things they'd been doing earlier in the summer.”

Steven looked around the deck. “Hey, I'm sorry about that but we can't let the deck go untreated for too long.” He looked around the yard. “Besides I'm sure they'll be back.”

I looked over at Alex. “I don't know, what do you think Alex? First the power washing must have felt like they were going through a hurricane, then big blobs of stinky stuff comes dripping through the cracks and into they're burrow while we roll on the stain and to top it all off it's a sticky mess for days until it dries.” I looked over at Steven. “Would you come back?”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “Hey, I don't want them up on the deck anyway. Chipmunks can do a lot of damage.” he got up and began to walk in the house. “I'm getting a bottle of water, anyone else want one?”

“I'm good.” I said.

“Me too.” Alex added.

“By the way, the deck looks great!” I called to him as he went inside.

Once he closed the door I turned to Alex and whispered. “Still wish we didn't have to do it.” I sighed as I looked around our chipmunk-less yard.