WOOLY WINTER

It was a brisk fall afternoon and my son Alex and I were walking through the park when I looked down on the pavement and saw a wooly caterpillar inching along in front of us. I stopped, putting my arm out before Alex accidentally stepped on him. “Did you know these guys can predict what kind of winter we're going to have?”

Alex looked down at the fuzzy black and brown caterpillar slowly making his way across the pavement. “No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me all about it.”

I grabbed my phone and began looking it up. “I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be rooting for?

Seeing more black on him or more brown.” I finally found the Google site I was looking for. “The longer the black bands, the longer, colder, snowier and more severe the winter will be.” I read. I looked over at Alex then bent down to get a closer look at the caterpillar. “I'm going to say the brown is wider so we're going to have a milder winter.” I announced before I stood back up, happy with my prediction.

Alex looked down at the caterpillar. “I hate to be the one to say this but, I'm pretty sure the black and brown bands are about the same.” He looked back at me.

I looked back on my phone. “It says if the tail end is dark, the end of winter will be cold.” We both looked back down at the caterpillar. “How do you know which end is its end?” I asked.

Alex started to laugh. “I'm pretty sure he's walking front first across the pavement.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Hey, he could be working on his moon-walking skills, we have no idea what these little guys do for fun.”

Alex just shook his head.

I went back to looking on my phone. “It also says they have 13 segments to it's body which corresponds to the 13 weeks of winter!” I looked up and smiled “That's pretty interesting!”

We began walking again.

“You know, we really can't be letting one caterpillar decide what are winters going to be like.” I reasoned. “Let's see if we see another one.”

“Sure, why not.”

We both began scanning the walkway for any signs of another Wooly. It wasn't as easy as I expected it to be, with the fallen leaves tumbling around in front of us.

Finally Alex spotted another one. “Look at that one.” he said pointing to the completely brown caterpillar.

I actually felt my heart begin to race as I got down on one knee to take a closer look. “Oh my gosh! Do you know what this means?” I looked up at Alex.

Alex looked confused and shook his head. “No, what does it mean?”

I pointed to are little friend slowly making its way across the pavement. “Not a speck of black on him! It means we're going to have a really mild winter!” I got back up and couldn't help but smile. “Isn't that great news!”

Alex laughed again and we began walking again. “Do you really believe that?”

I wrapped my scarf tighter around my neck. “I really NEED to believe that.”

TIMES UP

My son Alex and I were getting in the car when I paused and couldn't help but feel a little sad. “Well, I guess it's time.” I said as I brushed off some sand that was on my seat before I climbed in and started the car.

“Time for what?” Alex buckled his seat belt.

I reached over to turn on the heat. “It's finally too cold to visit the beach anymore.”

Alex put his hood up from his jacket. “We can still park down there. I'm just not getting out and sitting on the sand anymore.”

“I know. That's what I mean.” I brushed some more sand from my seat. “I've put it off long enough. It's time to get the car cleaned out.” My car had a black interior so the sand on the seats and floor were pretty noticeable. “I just kept hoping local summer would pop up again and we could get one more time to just sit on the beach and listen to the waves.”

Alex reached over and turned up the heat. “I'm pretty sure the beach season is over.” He reached over and patted me on the shoulder. “But it's still nice out.”

I backed the car out of the driveway. “Remember a few weeks ago when we saw that pod of dolphins?”

Alex laughed. “You mean the ones that were heading south?”

“Oh yeah.” Now I had to laugh. “Seems like they're brighter than we are.” The car hadn't warmed up yet and I couldn't help but shudder. “I wish we could be heading south right now.”

We were on our way to the grocery store but I decided to stop at the car wash first.

“You're really getting the car washed now?” Alex didn't look thrilled as I pulled in.

“We might as well get it over with.” I got on the line with about a dozen cars ahead of me.

Alex sighed. “This is going to take forever.”

“It'll go quick, I promise.” I began looking around the car picking up things that I wanted to throw away before we got to the front of the line. I looked in my center console. “Ahh, all our parking stubs from Point Pleasant, Manasquan and Asbury Park!” These were all shore towns we'd visited over the past few months. “I guess they're trash now.” I crumpled them up getting ready to toss them in the bin. I looked over at Alex. “I love the fall, I really do! But I have to tell you I've never been a fan of winter.”

Alex patted me on the shoulder again. “Don't worry. In a short six months we'll be back to our favorite time of year.”

I groaned. “How's that suppose to make me feel better!” I cried.

“Hey, it will fly by, you'll see.” he slumped down in his seat. “It'll go by about as quickly as this car wash line.” he grumbled.

ARE YOU SICK?

I was sitting in the living room watching television when all of a sudden, “Ah-Choo.” I hadn't even felt the sneeze coming but luckily I was able to catch it in the crook of my arm.

“Are you sick?” my son Alex came into the living room.

My husband Steven came in from our bedroom. “Who sneezed?” he asked.

“Mom.” Alex tipped his head in my direction.

“It was a sneeze!” I cried. “I'm not sick! It's probably allergies.” I couldn't help make a slight sniffling sound.

Alex sighed. “She's sick.”

Steven went into the kitchen and came back with a box of tissues and the pump bottle of hand sanitizer. “Here you go.” he placed them on the coffee table in front of me.

I grabbed a tissue. “Thanks, but I'm not sick.”

Alex went into the linen closet and came back with a can of Lysol.

“You two are being ridiculous!” I said as I took the can from him and began walking around the room spraying the television remote and the couch I'd been sitting on.

“Let's just be on the safe side.” Steven called as I went into the kitchen and began spraying all the door handles and drawer knobs. “It's not a good time for me to get sick right now.”

I came back into the room spraying light switches and anything else I could have possibly touched. “When's it ever a good time?” I asked.

Steven sighed. “You know what I mean.”

Alex went back into the kitchen and brought back a bottle of water he handed to me. “Here you go. When you're coming down with a cold you should really stay hydrated.”

I put the Lysol on the coffee table and took the bottle from Alex. “Thanks, but again, I'm not sick.”

Steven placed the back of his hand on my forehead. “You don't feel like you have a fever.”

I took a sip of water. “Seriously, you two. I just sneezed.” I sat back down on the couch and couldn't help but snuffle again.

Steven and Alex looked at one another. I could see the concern on both their faces.

“Fine.” I got up from the couch. “I'll take a Zicam. Will that make you both happy?” I went back to the linen closet and began rummaging though the box we kept the medicine in. “Found it!” I came back with the Zicam bottle. “Anyone else want to take one?” I popped one into my mouth before holding out the bottle to them.

“You're suppose to take one when you first get sick.” Alex reminded me. “And I'm not sick.”

“Neither am I, and I'm taking one!” I held the bottle out to Steven.

Steven held his hands up. “I'm good.”

I shook my head as I put the container down on the coffee table next to the tissues, hand sanitizer, and Lysol. “You guys are ridiculous.” I sat back down and picked up the television remote.

“Hey, don't get mad at us.” Steven said. “We just want to make sure we all stay healthy!”

“Not to change the subject.” Alex said. “But what's for dinner?”

I smiled as I looked up at both of them. “Well, if I am sick you don't want me touching your food do you?”

Steven looked over at Alex. “I guess we're ordering out.”

I raised my hand and smiled. “I vote for Italian!”

BYE BYE BIRDIE

“Are you sure you haven't seen any hummingbirds lately?” I was asking my son Alex as we stood on the back deck. Alex had just finished filling the bird feeders and was still holding the bag of seed.

“I'm positive.” he sighed. “You've asked me that question every day for the past week.”

“I know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I just don't want to take their feeders away too soon.” I looked at the woods at the back of our house. The leaves were beginning to change color with little peeks of orange appearing on some of the trees. “What if there's a straggler?” I looked at Alex before sweeping my hand in the direction of our yard. “Most of the flowers they like are gone, so they'd really need the feeder before heading South.”

Alex shook his head. “Weren't you the one telling me that the size of their brain, compared to their body size, is huge.”

“It really is!” I smiled and nodded my head. “They're really smart!”

“So if one is still hanging around, this late in the season, wouldn't that make him stupid?”

I shrugged my shoulders again. “You've got a point.” I sighed as I walked over to my red glass feeders and took them down from their posts. “I hate bringing them in.” I said as I walked to the door, the two glass feeders clicking together as I held them in one hand so I could open the door. “It's just another event that makes me feel like summer's over.”

Alex kicked away a few dead leaves before they blew into the house. “I'm pretty sure summer was over before you brought in the feeders.”

I went over to the sink and began washing them. “Did you know that hummingbirds are so smart that they can recognize the people that feed them?”

“Nope. Did not know that.” he said as put the bird seed away in the cabinet.

“Remember in the beginning of the summer when you and I were on the deck and that hummingbird flew a few feet in front of my face?”

“Oh yeah.” Alex leaned against the counter. “That was so weird.”

“Now it makes all the sense in the world.” I looked over at Alex. “He was trying to remember the face that would be feeding him.”

Alex started to laugh. “I was sitting right there, too! How’s he know you'd be the one feeding him and not me?”

Now it was my turn to laugh. “Oh come on! I told you hummingbirds were smart!” I turned off the water and placed the feeders on a paper towel to dry. “Wait a minute.” I leaned against the counter. “The day he decided to memorize me my hair was a mess, I was wearing my glasses, and I didn't have on any makeup!”

Alex looked confused. “So?”

I threw my hands up in the air, clearly annoyed. “So, now he's back South telling all his hummingbird friends that some frumpy old lady feeds him when he heads North!” I looked back at Alex. “Why couldn't he have studied me on a day I looked better?”

Alex just shook his head as he silently walked away.

LAUNDRY CRICKET

I was on my hands and knees on top of my dryer when my husband Steven walked by the laundry room.

He stopped in the doorway. “What are you doing?”

I was trying to peek behind the dryer. “You can't hear that?” I had to duck under the shelf trying to see past the dryer vent.

Steven listened for a moment. “You mean the cricket?”

“Yes!” I crawled over to the washer. “It's driving me nuts!” I peeked behind the washer. “Nothing!” I sat back on my heels listening for his call. “It's like trying to find out which smoke alarm is chirping 'low battery'.

The cricket called again. I scanned the room. “Now it sounds like it's behind the folding table!” I climbed off the washer and headed for the table. Getting on my hands and knees I pushed the laundry baskets out of the way. “Nothing!” I cried as I sat back on my heels waiting for the next call.

“So what do you plan to do if you find him?”

“I'll scoop him up and put him outside.”

“Don't you think he'll just find his was in again?” Steven was leaned against the door jam.

I shook my head and sighed. “You're probably right. This is a pretty smart one finding his way to the laundry room.” I looked up at Steven. “You know they eat material?”

Steven looked around the room at the baskets of laundry needing to be done. “Well he certainly came to the right place.”

I looked around the room. “Hey! It's been a crazy, busy week!”

Steven shook his head. “I'm not judging. I know how busy you've been.” He looked around again. “I'm just saying he's a smart one.”

The cricket chirped again. My head shot up and I scanned the room. “Where did it sound like it was coming from this time?”

Steven looked around the room. “I swear I think it was coming from that basket.” he was pointing to a basket of already sorted jeans and dark colored clothes.

“Oh, no ones going to be eating my clothes today!” I grabbed the basket and began loading the clothes into the washer. I made sure to carefully shake each item of clothing before placing it in the washer in case the cricket was clinging to it. Once the basket was empty and the washer was full I turned it on. “Well, it wasn't in there.” I dropped the laundry detergent in and closed the lid.

Leaning back against the machine I scanned the room again. “Where could he be?”

We heard the chirp again. I froze. “Did you hear where it came from?”

Steven pointed to the dryer. “Maybe he's in there?”
I was confused. “You really think he got in the dryer?” I opened the dryer door where a load of towels were waiting to be folded.

“Maybe you should take the towels out just to make sure he's not in there.”

I stopped and turned around. “Wait a minute.” I began to shake my head. “You didn't think he was in the laundry basket! You just wanted me to start a load of wash!”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “I'm all out of jeans.”

The cricket chirped again.

He shrugged his shoulders again. “I'm still going to say the dryer because I'm pretty sure were out of towels, too.”

ORDAINED

I was scrolling through my e-mail when one quickly caught my eye. I clicked on it and had to laugh. “Reverend Kathryn!” I cried. “I completely forgot about that!”

My son Alex, who was sitting across the room, looked up. “You're a Reverend?”

“No, but I almost was.” I opened the e-mail and began reading it to him. “Greetings Kathryn and Happy Anniversary! It's been nine months since you've become a minister.” I looked over at Alex. “I filled out the entire application but never gave them my credit card number.”

Alex looked confused. “What made you do that?”

I looked back at the e-mail. “Well, nine months ago I was watching a television program where someone's friend was officiating their wedding. I got curious about how you became one so I Googled 'How to become an ordained minister.'” I shrugged my shoulders. “Turns out it's not that hard.” I went back to the e-mail. “You pretty much fill out a form and for the low price of $39.99 you can get the classic wedding kit.”

Alex shook his head. “Which does what?”

I looked back at the site on my phone. “It says it's a great package to help me plan and officiate memorable and legal wedding!” I looked back at Alex. “Pretty great, huh!”

My husband Steven came into the room. “What's pretty great?” as he picked up the days mail I'd left on the coffee table and began sorting though it.

Alex was still shaking his head. “Did you know Mom wanted to become a minister?”

Steven stopped sorting and looked over at me.

“Wait,” I held my phone up. “I never said I wanted to become a minister. I just said I Googled it and filled out the form.” I looked over at Steven. “I just never gave them my credit card number.”

Steven looked confused as he put the stack of mail back down. “A minister?”

I shrugged my shoulder again. “I kind of thought it would be fun to add to my resume!” I smiled at the both of them. “'Works with children pre-K through 8^th grade and can also preform weddings!'” I moved the phone closer for Steven to see. “Reverend Kathryn! You've got to admit that's a pretty great title!”

“I guess.” Steven shook his head. “So why didn't you finish and give them your credit card?”

I sighed. “Because once I thought about it I realized I didn't want to be responsible for legally marrying two people.” I looked at Steven then at Alex. “What if they divorced? I'd feel completely responsible.”

“Seriously?” Alex looked over at Steven.

Steven looked back at me with a skeptical look. “There's more to it than that. Isn't there?”

“Well,” I couldn't lie. “As much as I'd love the title, I'm pretty sure we all know what would happen if I had to do any public speaking.”

Alex started to laugh. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

“Who wants to be married by someone who would be visibly shaking if they had to stand up in front of a crowd?” I shook my head at the thought.

“That's not even including the talking part.” Steven laughed.

WINDSHIELD BUDDY

Jogging up the front porch steps, I came into the house and went directly to the kitchen. Opening the cabinet under the sink I grabbed a bottle of window cleaner and pulled the paper towels off it's stand. It was as I was headed back out the front door when I noticed my husband Steven watching me.

“The car's still running.” I explained to him as I dashed out the door again.

Steven decided to follow me. “Didn't you just leave to go to the grocery store?” he asked.

“I never made it there.” I called over my shoulder. “I've run out of windshield washer fluid, so I had to come back home to clean this mess off the windshield!”

“What happened?” Steven asked as he came down the porch steps.

I leaned over the hood of the car, spraying the cleaner on a disgusting smear that took up half my driver's side of the windshield.

“What was that?” he asked, picking up the paper towel roll I'd dropped in the driveway and handed me a sheet.

“A beetle.” I said as I scrubbed harder with the paper towel, only to create a bigger mess than I'd started with. “This is so disgusting!” I cried.

“How'd it happen?”

“It all started out innocently enough.” I said as I sprayed more cleaner. “I was pulling out of our driveway when I noticed some kind of beetle walking across my windshield.” I looked over at Steven as he handed me more paper towel. “Isn't it amazing how these tiny little creatures can hang on so tightly with all that wind blowing over them?”

“Sure.” Steven shrugged his shoulders. “I guess. But how did it get all over the windshield?”

“I didn't want him to get hurt so I stopped the car hoping he'd fly away.” By now the cleaner was finally beginning to do its job. “But he wouldn't fly away! So I started driving again.”

“And?”

“Well, I found myself watching him.” I complained. “I was so busy watching him that I wasn't watching the road.” I dropped the dirty paper towels on the ground and took a clean sheet from Steven. “I was afraid he was going to get me in an accident, so I thought I'd try and help him move a little bit faster.” I admitted.

“You turned on the windshield wipers to get him to move faster?” Steven started to laugh.

“He was already so close to the edge I figured he'd see them coming and fly away.” I reasoned.

Steven stared at me for a moment before he handed me the roll of paper towels and walked back to the house.

“Hey!” I called after him,“It seemed like a good idea at the time!”