PERFECT SCALE

My husband Steven walked into our bedroom while I was making the bed. “We need a new scale.” he said as he walked to our closet and opened the door.

“Are you kidding me?” I pulled the sheets tight. “That's the best scale we've ever owned!” I argued.

Steven turned around to look at me. “But it never gives the right weight.”

I shook my head. “That's because you don't know how to work it.” I straightened the blanket.

“How can you not know how to work a scale?” Steven asked. “You stand on it and it's suppose to tell you your weight.”

“See, that's where you're wrong.” I pulled the comforter up. “We've had scales like that before and they've always made me unhappy.”

Steven started to laugh.

“It's not funny!” I cried. “You remember the last scale we had. I had to drag that thing all over the bathroom floor before I found the right spot that would weigh me what I wanted to weigh that day.”

Steven pulled out a pair of his shoes and walked over to the bench at the end of our bed. “Is that why we got rid of it?” he asked as he sat down.

“Of course.” I walked around his to straighten the other side of the bed.

“You told me it was broken.” he began putting on his socks.

I turned to look at him. “It was.” I couldn't believe he was having such a hard time understanding. So I tried again. “When a scale doesn't weigh me what I want to weigh, it's broken.”

“Is that why we've been through so many scales.” Steven looked surprised.

“Absolutely!”

“So how do you work this scale?”

“It depends on how much less you want to weigh.” I said. “If it's only five pounds, you stand on it, rock back on your heels until your toes are off the scale, and you're magically five pounds lighter!”

“Okay, what else do I need to know?” he bent over to tie his shoe.

Because he seemed so interested I continued. “If you want the perfect weight you lift your leg off the scale and tip a little to the right. That's when you know you're going to have a good weight day!”

When Steven didn't say anything I felt I had to add a precaution to my last sentence. “When you tip to one side, don't accidentally touch the wall if you get off balance. That throws the whole thing off and you'll have to start all over again.”

Steven stared at me for what I thought was a bit too long before he made his own suggestion. “What if I just go and buy my own scale?”

I shrugged my shoulders before I reached over to fluff the pillows. “Suit yourself. But it seems like a waste of money when we have a perfectly good scale already.”