OVER OR UNDER

I was bringing in a few extra rolls of toilet paper to restock our bathroom when I stopped in our bedroom where my husband Steven was getting ready for work. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Steven looked up from tying his shoe. “Sure.”

“When you put a new roll of toilet paper in the holder do you have the paper going over the roll or under?”

Steven sighed. “Are you still mad that I forgot to replace the roll last week?”

“What?” I shook my head. “No, this is a real question.”

“Over.” he said reaching down to tie the other shoe. “Everyone places it over.”

“I though so too.” I went into the bathroom and tossed the extra rolls under the sink before coming back out and sitting on the edge of the bed. “But I was talking to a friend of mine and she says she always has the paper going under.”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “Well, it that's how their family likes it, who are we to argue.” He got up to close the closet door.

“That's just the thing.” I reached over and grabbed the hand cream from my bedside table. “She says she and her husband have disagreed for years about how it should go on.” I opened the tube and squeezed some into my hand. “Can you image disagreeing about something like that for our whole marriage?”

Steven laughed. “You're right. It's great that we've never had to argue about that.”

“See! We're toilet paper compatible!” I'd finished working the cream into my hands. “It never crossed my mind that we'd argue over something like that.”

“That's because we're too busy arguing about who doesn't close the condiment lids all the way.” Steven stared at me.

“What?” I shook my head. “I've told you I'm not sure who's doing it.”

Steven walked out of the bedroom and I followed him down the hall to the kitchen. He looked back at me as he opened the refrigerator door. “Would you like to place a bet that there's at least one cap that isn't closed all the way.”

I quickly scanned the shelves on the door and crossed my fingers behind my back. “Sure I'll make that bet.”

Steven reached in and pulled out a bottle of blue cheese salad dressing. “I'm pretty sure you were the one that had this on your salad last night, right?”

I shrugged my shoulder. “Maybe.”

Steven tightened the cap on the half closed bottle. “Why is that so hard?”

“I swear, it wasn't me!” I cried as Alex walked into the kitchen. I pointed at him. “I think he had blue cheese, too!”

“Whooo...” Alex looked confused. “What am I getting blamed for?”

“Someone always forgets to completely close the tops on the condiments.” Steven put the salad dressing back in the refrigerator and closed the door.

“What do you mean someone?” Alex looked over at me. “I thought that was decided a long time ago.” he raised his eyebrows at me. “Mom?”

“Fine.” I sighed. “But do you have to close them so tight that I can't get them open again?” I opened the refrigerator and took the the blue cheese bottle. I tried to get the cap off but couldn't until I reached into a drawer and got out the rubber grip I used to loosen caps. “There's got to be a happy medium.” I sighed again.

Alex looked at both of us raising his eyebrows again. “Are you telling me you two are starting the day arguing about how loose the tops should be?”

I looked at Alex. “Hey, I have a friend who argues with her husband about whether the toilet paper should go over or under when you replace the roll!”

Alex looked confused. “It always goes over.”

Steven smiled over at me. “Exactly!”