BIRD BRAWL

“Storm's coming.” I stated as Steven came into the kitchen to help me make dinner.

He pulled up his sleeves and began washing his hands. “Is that what the Weather Channel said?”

I stood next to him and pointed out the window. “Nope, they did.” Dozens of birds were at our feeder jockeying for position. Others were waiting in the nearby trees waiting for the insanity at the feeder to calm down before they made their move. “The only smart ones right now are the Morning Doves.” We watched as two pairs of doves strutted around on the ground, under the feeder, collecting all the seeds that were being dropped from above.

“Did you just fill it?” he asked as he turned off the water and grabbed some paper towels to dry his hands.

I shook my head. “I filled it two days ago.” I pulled the hamburger meat out of the refrigerator and placed it on the counter while Steven pulled out a pan.

“Well the weather station did say we were getting snow tonight.” He put the pan on the stove and opened the package of meat and began making burgers.

“I know but I didn't think it was going to amount to much.” I peeked out the window again to see that even more birds had come. “But, the way these birds are acting, I'm beginning to second guess how much we're going to get.” I opened the refrigerator, pulled out the milk and shook the container that only had an inch left. “Maybe I should run out and get some more.” I put it back on it's shelf and closed the door.

“We're running low on bread, too.” Steven laughed and he put the burgers in the pan and turned the burner on.

“Are we?” I went to the cabinet to check.

“I was kidding!” he said as he reached past me and grabbed the package of rolls. “Isn’t that what everyone does when there's going to be a storm?”

I looked over at Steven as he grabbed the spatula and flipped the burgers. “Do you really want to be stuck in here tomorrow morning with no milk for your coffee?” I asked.

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “But the weather forecasters said it was going to turn into rain.

Now it was my turn to laugh. “And the weather forecasters are never wrong?” I looked out the window at our yard filled with crazed birds. “When it comes to making weather predictions I'll believe the birds before I'll believe people.”

We both looked out the window again. “They do know when the air pressure changes.” Steven admitted. “I guess they must be feeling a pretty big front coming in to be acting this way.”

I took two plates from the cabinet and placed them next to the stove. Then I got the salad I'd already made from the refrigerator and put it on the table. “So it's settled.” I said. “After dinner I'm going to run to the store and get some milk.”

Steven brought the plates over to the table. “Maybe that's a good idea.”

“Can you think of anything else?” I picked up my burger to take a bite.

The windows weren't even open but the noise the birds were making was starting to get pretty loud.

“Yeah...” Steven had raised his voice to be heard over their squawking and tipped his head towards the back yard as he picked up his own burger. “You might want to put more bird seed on your list.”

BLIND TO THE BLOOMS

My husband, Steven and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie when a commercial came on. I reached over for my bottle of water. “Aren't the blooms on my African violet spectacular!” I said looking over at him and smiling.

Steven looked completely confused. “What?”

“My African violet.” I pointed to the beautiful plant in the middle of our coffee table.

“Oh...” Steven shrugged his shoulders. “I hadn't noticed.”

Now I was confused. “How can you not notice it?” I once again pointed to the coffee table, only this time to his slippered foot. “You're foot is literally two inches away from it!”

Steven moved his foot and looked at the plant. “Oh yeah.” he moved his foot back. “Sure, it's pretty.”

I shook my head. “It's been blooming for over a month!” I turned the pot so the deep purple flowers faced him. “Right after Christmas the first bloom came out.” I pinched a speck of dust from one of it's soft leaves. “Seeing it every morning has certainly helped me with my winter blahs.”

“Really?” Steven looked out the window at the dreary rainy day we were having. “Just looking at that plant has helped you forget all about this time of year?”

Now I had to laugh. “I didn't say it made me forget all about winter. It's not a magical plant! I'm just saying at this time of year a few flowers around the house sure helps.” I pointed over to the white orchid on the side table.

Steven looked over to where I was pointing. “When did we get that?”

“Seriously?” I really couldn't believe it. “You never noticed that either? It's been here for weeks!”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “Nope, never noticed it.”

“It's two feet tall!” I cried. “I thought the white flower against the gray wall really made it pop!”

Steven nodded. “No, you're right, it does look pretty against the gray.” Steven looked around the room. “Do you have any more flowers in here?”

“No, just the two. Why?”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “Just wondering.”

Our son Alex came into the room. “What are you two watching?” he asked as he came up behind us and leaned on the back of the couch where the two of us were sitting.

“A movie.” I said as I patted the couch cushion next to me. “Want to come watch with us? It just started.”

“Sorry, I can't. I'm in the middle of something.” he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the top of my head.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” I turned to look up at him.

“Sure.”

I pointed to the violet on the coffee table. “Did you notice how many flowers were blooming on this plant?”

Alex looked over at it. “Nope, I never noticed.”

“See!” Steven cried, “It's not just me!”

“How can you two be so blind?” I cried. “It's in the middle of the coffee table!”

Alex shrugged. “I might not have noticed the flowers but I can tell you that I'm not so blind that I didn't notice the brownies on the kitchen counter.”

I had to laugh. “You didn't noticed them. I just took them out of the oven a few minutes ago. You smelled them.”

“Smelled them...'noticed them'...” He began to walk to the kitchen. “Either way I'm on my way to having one. Anyone else want one?” he called over his shoulder.

“I'll have one.” Steven called back. He looked over at me. “They do smell good.”

“Hey, I'm just glad one of your senses is working.”

NO SCONE ZONE

I walked into the kitchen, shopping bags hanging from one arm while my hands were holding a pastry box.

“Guess what I got at the bakery?” I said as I gently laid the box on the counter and dropped the shopping bags on the floor.

“What?” my son Alex asked as he pulled the tape off the lid and peeked inside.

“Cranberry scones!” I looked inside the box with Alex and pointed to the sugar glazed tops of the perfect triangles of deliciousness. “Don't they look incredible!”

Alex shrugged his shoulders as he picked one up and took a bite. “Yuck...” he cried. “This is awful!” He opened the garbage drawer and spit it out.

“What are you doing!” I cried as I took the scone from him. “What's wrong with it?” I looked at the scone but couldn't see what the problem was.

“It tastes terrible.” He reached into the cabinet for a glass, filled it with water and took a drink. “It's like biting into a brick that falls apart in your mouth and leaves a funny aftertaste.” He took another sip of water. “Why do you have to buy fancy food?”

“Fancy food?” I broke off a little piece and tasted it. “It's delicious.” I cried. “The only thing that would make it better would be a little clotted cream.” I placed the scone on a napkin and began unpacking the grocery bags.

“Clotted cream!” Alex laughed. “Yeah that's not fancy.”

“What's the problem with fancy food?”

“Because it usually tastes terrible!” He pointed to the scone. “Why not just call it a stale biscuit with cranberries in it.”

I had to laugh. “Okay so you don't like scones, I get it.” I put some apples in a bowl and put them on the counter. “What other fancy foods don't you like.”

“That's easy, caviar!” He reached for an apple, rubbed it on his shirt, then took a bite. “Why not just call it disgusting fish eggs on a cracker?”

“Okay, I'm with you on the caviar. I'm not a big fan either.” I leaned back against the counter while he continued his rant.

“Don't even get me started on escargot!” He cried.

Now I was surprised. “You've tried escargot?”

“Are you kidding! No!” His body actually shook and he got a disgusted look on his face. “Once I saw a bunch of snails sitting on the plate I said 'Pass!'” He shook his head again. “Fancy food just stinks!”

My husband, Steven walked into the room. “What fancy food are you talking about?”

Alex pushed the pastry box over to him. “Mom got scones.”

“Oh,” Steven peeked in the box. “Scones aren't bad.” He broke off a piece and took a bite. “Yuck, these are terrible!” He grabbed a napkin and spit it out. “Tastes like a brick with cranberries in it!”

“Told you.” Alex said with a laugh.

“You two are ridiculous!' I said as I reached into another grocery bag and handed Alex a box of Twinkies. “These aren't fancy. Are they any better?”

Steven took the box from him. “They used to be really good when I was a kid.” He handed the box back to Alex. “Now, not so much.”

Alex took the box and put it in the cabinet. “They're still better then scones.”

ORGANIZED CHAOS

I opened my side of our bedroom closet and a pair of sweatpants tumbled down from my top shelf. I bent over, scooped them up and tossed them back on the shelf.

“Are you serious?” Steven asked as he walked out of the bathroom in time to see me tossing the sweatpants.

“What?” I looked over my shoulder pretending I didn't know what he was talking about. But I knew.

“Your side of our closet is a disaster!” he went over to his side, opened the door and swept his hand up and down like he was a game show host showing off prizes. “Why can't your side look more like this?”

I looked at his top shelf where his sweats were neatly folded and stacked practically in color order. All of his shirts were hung facing in the same direction while his pants were in their own section.

“Yours does look better.” I admitted. “But I know where everything is so it really doesn't matter what my side looks like, does it?”

“Really?” Steven seemed doubtful.

As if on cue the sweatpants, I'd just tossed back up on the shelf, fell down again. I looked at Steven then reached down and scooped them up again. “I consider this organized chaos.” I said as I tossed them back on the shelf where they finally stayed put.

“Organized chaos?” Steven started to laugh. “That's what you call that?” he pointed to my pile of shoes that were in a jumble on the floor.

“Exactly.” I reached down into the pile and pulled out my sneakers.” “See I knew exactly where they were.”

“So your empty shoe rack is just getting in the way of your organization?”

I nodded. “Now you're getting it.” I reached into my already opened sock drawer and pulled out a pair of socks. Holding them up for him to see. “I didn't even have to waste time opening the drawer.”

Steven sat down on the bench at the end of our bed. “I just don't get it.” he said shaking his head and looking confused.

“What don't you get?” I sat down next to him and started putting on my socks.

“The whole house is in order. Everything has a place.” He looked around our room. “The bed is made, nothing laying on the floor.”

“So what's your point?” I was tying my sneakers.

“So how can the entire house look one way but your closet looks like a hoarder lives here.”

“Hey!” I pushed him in his shoulder. “Not a closet of a hoarder...but someone who embraces organized chaos!” I reminded him.

I got up and looked out our bedroom window. “I'm going to take a quick walk before dinner. You want to come?”

“No thanks.” He got up himself still looking at my side of the closet.

“Here, let me help you.” I went over and with one foot pushed the shoes back into their pile so I could close the door. “That's the reason they invented doors!” I pushed it closed then looked back at Steven. “See all better.” I waved my hand around the room where everything was in it's place.

“I still know what's behind the door.” Steven said as he shook his head.