PINK SNOWSTORM

My son Alex had borrowed my car to go pick up a few of his friends. When he returned home he dropped the car keys in my hand and said, “By the way, there's a weird smell in your car.”

“What kind of smell?” I asked.

“I don't know.” He stopped to think about it for a moment. “Like something went bad.”

“Like 'old food' bad or 'old clothes' bad?” I asked.

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “I have no idea.” he said before he headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

That left me sitting on the couch, holding my car keys and trying not to imagine what could possibly smell so bad in my car that my son noticed it.

Going out to the car I cautiously opened the driver's side door, held my breath and stuck my head in. One thing I've learned from years of experience is that it's best to look around first before taking in that first small whiff. Luckily, when I finally did inhale the only thing I could smell was the slight aroma of decomposing flowers. I smiled as I saw the back seat covered in small pink petals. I scooped them up to bring into the house.

Alex was just getting out of the bathroom. I held up my handful of faded pink petals. “Is this what you smelled?” I asked.

Alex leaned over to them then pulled away. “Yeah, that's it.” He looked closer. “What are they?” he asked.

“Yesterday I drove over to the park to take a walk and I parked the car next to a flowering cherry tree.” I smiled as I remembered the sight. “When I came back from my walk I opened the windows to get a little breeze. The next thing I know the wind kicked up and I found myself in the middle of the most beautiful pink snowstorm.” I looked down at my handful of petals. “They were everywhere. The outside of the car looked like it had a pink blanket on. They were even stuck under the windshield wipers.” The petals felt silky in my hands and I couldn't help playing with them as I finished my story. “The inside of the car got filled with them too. I was pulling them out of my hair, brushing them off the dashboard, even shooing them off the seats.” I started to laugh at the memory, but when I looked back at Alex I could see my enthusiasm wasn't contagious. “I thought I'd gotten them all yesterday, but I guess I forgot to look in the back seat.” I held up the stinking culprit. “They're all gone now.” I reassured him.

“It's not the smell I'm worried about.” Alex said. “I just picked up my friends and now you tell me the back seat was covered in pink flower petals?”
I hadn't really thought about it. But now that he mentioned it, I could see where flower petals on the back seat didn't help make the 'guy car' statement Alex was looking for when he got stuck driving the family car. “Why don't you look on the bright side?” I said. “Maybe they just thought our car smelled weird too!”

“Yeah, maybe.” Alex said as he walked into his room, but he didn't sound convinced.

WHAT'S THAT SAY?

“Has anyone seen my blue reading glasses?” I called to anyone in the house that was in earshot.

No answer.

“Come on!” I cried. “I can't make dinner until I find them!”

That got them all running.

“Where did you see them last?” Steven asked as he magically appeared in the kitchen next to me.

“In this drawer where I always keep them.” I said pointing to the junk drawer next to the stove.

“Do you want me to get you a pair from your desk?” Alex asked.

“The purple ones stay at my desk.” I said. “I'm looking for the blue kitchen glasses.”

“What about the pair you keep in your purse?” Steven was ready to go find my purse.

“No. Those are the black and white one's they stay in my purse.” I insisted. “I need the blue kitchen ones to make dinner.”

Steven and Alex looked at one another.

“Are they different prescriptions?” Steven asked.

“No.” I answered.

“So what's the difference?” Alex asked.

Now it was my turn to look exasperated. “I have different color glasses for different places in the house.” I explained. “This way if one of them gets misplaced I know where they came from and I can return them and not have to go through this!” I cried sweeping my hand in front of the drawer that didn't have my glasses in them anymore.

“So why can't you use a different pair for now and we'll look for your blue ones after dinner?” Steven suggested.

“Oh...I'm not falling for that one.” I said as I slowly closed the drawer and looked at my now famished looking family. “If I do that no one will help me look for them after dinner. But if I say I can't cook without them I'll have plenty of help finding them.” I had to smile as I looked at their begrudgingly agreeable faces.

“She's got a point.” Steven said as he looked at Alex. “You go look in the living room and I'll go check in our bedroom.”

The two of them set off in search of my glasses. I had to smile at the power that withholding food seemed to have on them.

“They're not in here!” Alex called from the living room.

“I'm coming up empty in here, too!” Steven called. “You go check her office and I'll go look in the car.”

I watched as the two of them headed in different directions.

That's when I saw my purse sitting on the dining room chair. I thought I could at least help in the search so I began unloading my bag on the dining room table.

Steven and Alex came into the room as I was finishing up the search.

“Did you find them?” Steven asked.

I held up four pairs of glasses I'd found at the bottom of my purse, including the blue ones. “I guess I haven't been doing such a great job at keeping track of where they're suppose to stay.” I said as I shrugged my shoulders and began throwing my stuff back in my bag.

“Are you making dinner now?” Steven asked.

I put my blue reading glasses on and picked up the take out menu for our favorite pizza place. “I am.” I said as I picked up the phone to place our order.

BREAKING A SWEAT

“Do you want to go to a yoga class with me?” This question was coming from a friend who was always trying to find a new way to keep herself in shape.

Of course my first thought was to say, “Heck no, I enjoy my extra pounds.” but I would have been lying so instead I said. “Sure, that sounds like fun.”
As I was trying to convince myself that maybe this would be the perfect exercise for me she had to ask, “Do you have a yoga mat and outfit?”

“Can't I just wear my sweats and use a beach towel?” I asked. “I already own those.”

“You know, maybe you're right. You should see if you like yoga first before you buy the outfit and mat.”

I had to smile. This tactful remark was coming from a friend who knew the chances of me liking a form of exercise was pretty slim. But she kept trying with me and I loved her for that.

On the first day of our class we filed down the stairs to the basement of a church. I was amazed at just how many people were in the class.

Our instructor stood in the center of our group and introduced himself. Now I know this sounds mean but I did give him the once over. I was checking to see if he had any unsightly fat hanging anywhere on him. As I've already explained, I’m not big on exercise so I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't take instruction from anyone who didn't have a body shape I was looking for. If they do this professionally and have swinging arm fat or a saggy butt why would I want to waste my time taking body sculpting tips from them?

Personally I think I'm just looking for any excuse not to go to a class but he looked fine, so I claimed my spot on the floor and stretched out my beach towel.

He started explaining what we were going to be doing in a very slow calm voice. Soft music was playing in the background. I began to wonder if this was actually going to be fun. Then he turned down the lights and I just knew this was the type of exercise program I'd been searching for all my adult like.

He calmly explained each position he wanted us in, then began wandering around the room.

“Now close your eyes and clear your mind.” he instructed.

I don't know about anyone else but whenever I've heard the expression clear-your-mind I immediately begin to list all the things that happened to be in my mind at that particular time. Then I began to wonder just how many people can actually clear their mind when someone asks them to. So, of course, as I'm pondering these deep thoughts I'd missed the explanation of the position he wanted us to be in.

I opened my eyes to peek at the person next to me to see what they were doing.

His calm voice happened to be standing right over me, “Your eyes should be closed.” he stated.

“Oh, sorry.” I closed my eyes and lay there wondering just how stupid I looked laying there doing nothing.

“Keep your mind clear.” he said again.

“Oh great!” I thought as the lists popped up in my head again. This time listing all the times I'd looked stupid in public places. The list was so long that sweat began popping out on my forehead. Once again I hadn’t heard his last instruction but I was afraid to peek.

The more I worried about looking stupid just laying there the heavier I perspired.

That's when I realized that many instructors have stated that the more you sweat the better the workout is.

So as I laid in the dark mopping my upper lip with the sleeve of my shirt I couldn't help but wonder if maybe yoga was the perfect workout for me.

BONSAI BIRTHDAY

My husband, Steven walked into the kitchen to find me standing at the counter holding a handful of little yellow leaves. “It seems that I'm slowly killing it.” I said sadly.

Steven's sister had sent him a bonsai tree for his birthday. I was so happy when it first arrived. I read the card that came with the tree. “When it blooms it's going to be covered with rosy pink flowers!” I read to Steven as he was busy unwrapping all of the protective material that a bonsai seemed to need when it traveled.

“I'm glad you like it, because these things need a lot of care and I'm never going to have the time or patience to do it.” he said.

At the time I couldn't believe how silly he sounded, but now that I've been trying to care for this unbelievably needy plant for the past two weeks, I'm beginning to lose patience myself.

“I read that you can't let it dry out because that would be a huge shock to its system.” I said. “But I keep forgetting to leave the water out for twenty-four hours so all the chlorine will evaporate. Now I'm guessing that it doesn't like our tap water.” I complained as I picked up another yellow leaf from its delicate limb. “Then it has to have just the right amount of morning light that I can't seem to find in this house. Even if I could find the right exposure it can't be too close to the window because it might feel a draft.” I was still picking more yellow leaves and throwing them in the trash. “It also can't be too close to any of the heating ducts because we have forced hot air and that will kill it in an instant!”

“I told you they were a lot of work.” Steven reminded me.

“For all the nurturing and care I've had to put into this thing your sister could have sent you a puppy for your birthday! At least puppies are cute and give back some love and show some appreciation for all you do for them!” I whined.

Our boys, Alex and Max, walked into the kitchen. “Has Mom killed the bonsai yet?” Alex asked.

“Not yet, but it looks like it's on its way.” Steven said as he pointed to the pile of yellow leaves in the trash.

Alex looked disappointed. “I guess I lose that bet.” he said.

Max started to smile. “It looks like I might win this thing after all.”

“Hold on a minute.” Steven said. “It was my birthday present. I should really be the one to win this bet.”

“She's going to have to keep it alive for another week for you to win.” Alex reminded him.

Wait a minute.” I couldn't believe what I was hearing. “You three placed bets on how long it's going to take me to kill this thing?”

“We all know you're not very good with plants, Mom.” Alex said. “I never really thought it would make it through the first week, so I thought I was being generous taking the two week bet.”

“I had more faith in you.” Max said. “That's why I gave you three weeks before it got tossed in the trash.”

I looked over at Steven.

“I've got the fourth week.” he admitted.

“I can't believe you guys!” I was actually a bit hurt by their bet. “You've seen how much time and effort I've put into this thing.”

“We know that.” Steven said. “But come on, it's a bonsai.” he reasoned. “You have to admit the odds were against you from the beginning.”

COMING OUT OF HIBERNATION

I'd been locked in the house for almost a week with the flu. I'd been banned to my room, shades closed, my cell phone at my bedside table next to a water bottle that I kept refilled from the bathroom sink. The only person I saw besides my 'friends' on T.V, was my husband, Steven who periodically came into the room to see if I was ready to eat anything. My sons kept a safe distance away, calling me on the phone a few times a day to say hi.

When I finally felt strong enough to leave my bedroom I walked into the living room, the sun was streaming in the picture window. I felt like I needed to shade my eyes, it had been so long since I'd seen daylight.

“How are you feeling?” my son Alex asked.

“Better.” I said.

“Are you still contagious?” he asked.

“Probably.” I admitted. “I'll stay away from you. But I just want to go out on the back deck and get some air.” I said.

As I stepped outside I couldn't believe how different the yard looked in only a few days. The daffodils were blooming, the forsythia bush in the neighbors yard had popped. Our neighborhood Cooper hawk was circling around the tree line, grabbing sticks and taking it up to his nest in the neighbor's tree top.

That's when Steven came outside. “When did you get up?” he asked.

“A few minutes ago.” I turned my face up to feel the warmth of the sun. “I feel like I've been sick for so long that I missed the season changing.” I whined. “When did their cherry blossom tree come to life?” I asked, pointed to the tree in the neighbor's back yard.

“A few days ago.” Steven said as he leaned against the rail. “Did you see all of our daffodils?”

The dozens of daffodils that Alex and I had transplanted last spring dotted the back yard. “They're beautiful.” I sighed. “What else is coming up?”

Steven pointed to the side fence. “The tiger lilies are just starting to peek out and your lilac bush out front has just started to show some green.”

“I feel like I've been hibernating.” I said as I rubbed my eyes and looked back up in the tree tops as the Cooper hawk made large gliding circles, skimming the top branches. “Do you think they've already laid their eggs?”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “It's still pretty early in the season.” he said. “I don't think you've missed much.” I knew he was trying to make me feel better.

“I guess there's still plenty of spring left for me to see.” I agreed.

“So you haven't been watching the news, have you.” Steven asked.

“No, why?”

“There's still plenty of winter left to see.” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“There's going to be a snowstorm this weekend.”

I started to laugh. “Very funny.”

“I'm serious.” he said. “I'm sure it won't stay on the ground for long, but still...we're not done with the snow yet.”

“But spring is everywhere!” I cried looking back at all the daffodils. “I'm ready for spring!”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe you came out of hibernation a few days too early.” he said.

IN LIKE A LION HOPEFULLY LAMB OUT

I posted this piece a few years back in Two River Times. I know we haven't liked this winter but...this one was much worse!




http://tworivertimes.com/lion-in-hopefully-lamb-out/

SCOUTING FOR COOKIES

I had just gotten home from work and went right to the couch to lay down.

“Are you okay?” my husband Steven asked when he walked in and saw me laying there holding my stomach.

“I don't feel so good.” I whined.

Steven stepped back a few feet, “Are you getting that stomach bug that's been going around?” I could tell what he really wanted to do was cover his face with a mask and get the can of Lysol to spray me down.

“No, it's not the stomach bug.” I said unbuttoning the top button of my pants. “I just ate a whole sleeve of Do-Si-Do's on the way home from work.” I shook my head in disgust. “I do it every time it's Girl Scout cookie season.”

“The whole sleeve?” Steven said. “We only live ten minutes away from work! How can you eat that many?”

“What can I say?” I shrugged my shoulders. “I hit every traffic light.”

“How many boxes did you buy this year?” he asked.

I didn't want to answer that, so I just pointed to the filled shopping bag sitting on the table.

“Are you kidding me!” he began digging through the bag. “Thin mints, Samoas, Tagalongs and more Do-Si-Do's!” He dropped the boxes back in the bag. “How pathetic did this kid look for you to buy this many boxes!”

Now it was my turn to looked confused. “I didn't buy them from a kid.” I said. “I haven't seen a kid sell these in years. Unless, of course, you count the kids who hang out in front of the grocery stores. But by then I'm so sick of these cookies I just walk right by them.” I pointed to the bag. “I got these from one of my co-workers. They leave the order form on the break room table.” I shrugged my shoulders again. “I must have been hungry when I ordered.”

“You know these aren't even very good cookies.” Steven complained.

“I know.” I tried to sit up but my stomach still hurt. “It's because you can only get them once a year. It's marketing genius!”

By now our son, Alex walked in the room. “What's wrong with Mom?” he asked Steven as I laid there with my eyes closed and my hand still holding my stomach. “Is she sick?”

“I can hear you.” I said. “You can ask me directly.”

Steven decided to answer for me. “She ate too many Girl Scout cookies.”

“We have Girl Scout cookies?” Now Alex seemed interested. “Where are they?”

Steven pointed to the shopping bag. “Take your pick.” he said. “She bought enough to last the whole year.”

Alex and I started to laugh.

“You know they'll be gone by the weekend, don't you?” I said.

Alex opened a box of thin mints.

“Don't eat too many.” Steven warned. “You don't want to ruin your appetite for dinner.”

Now it was time for me to groan again. “I don't think I'm up to cooking anytime soon.”

Alex tucked the box of cookies under his arm. “This is fine for me.” he said as he headed back to his room.

“Great now there's not going to be any dinner?” Steven complained.

I handed him a box of Tagalongs.