HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU'RE OLD

“Well, this stinks.” I said as I began to read the letter my husband Steven had just handed me.

“What?” Steven was going through the rest of the mail.

I held up the letter from AARP. “Nothing says you're old like a letter from the American Association of Retired Persons telling you you can now be a card carrying member!” I pulled the card off the paper. “Look they're even giving me a discount as a birthday gift!” I sighed as I tossed the letter on the table. “What a crummy birthday gift.” I sighed then picked up the letter again and read it out-loud. “Dear Kathryn, Enjoy your birthday.” I tossed the letter back on the table. “Enjoy your birthday.” I grumbled. “How am I suppose to do that when they're telling me I'm old?”

“Your birthday's not for weeks.” Steven reminded me. “Just throw the letter away.”

“I will.” I sighed. “But the damage is done.”

Steven laughed as he tossed the rest of the mail on the table on top of mine. “I've been getting that advertisement for years! I can't believe that's the first one you've gotten.”

I stopped and stared at him. I'm sure the look on my face showed I wasn't thrilled with what he'd just said.

Steven smiled. “Come on! You're not old.”

I laughed. “You're just saying that.”

“Yup.”

“Hey!”

“Look, we're both getting old, there's nothing we can do about it.”

I sighed again. “I know. But I miss the days when I'd be asked to show my license so I could get a glass of wine.” I looked over at Steven sadly shaking my head. “It's been a long time since someone's asked to see my license.”

Steven went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I followed him, as he reached into the cabinet he got a bottle and held it up. “You want one?”

“Sure.” I leaned against the counter as he tossed the bottle to me and I caught it with one hand.

“See.” Steven said as he twisted the cap off his. “You still have your hand and eye coordination.”

“Very funny.” I took a sip of water and sighed again.

“Well, if you became a card carrying AARP member you could feel that way again.” Steven laughed.

Now I was confused. “How do you figure that?”

“When you go to Dunkin' Donuts and want to get a free doughnut you can pull out that card to prove you're an eligible senior citizen!”

“But I'm not a senior citizen yet!!! I'm a long way off!”

Steven shrugged his shoulder. “That's not what that card said.”

I took another sip. “Crummiest birthday gift ever.”

“It wasn't a birthday gift! It was an advertisement!”

“It was a special birthday rate.” I took the card out of my pocket. “See it has birthday balloons on it and everything!”

Steven took the card from me. “Hey, you can get a free insulated trunk organizer!” He looked over at me and smiled. “See, now that's a nice gift for old people.”

I threw my water bottle cap at him.

He quickly put his water bottle down and caught the cap in his hand. “See!” he held up the cap. “We're not that old yet!”