FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT

I was showered, dressed and ready for work. I looked into the bathroom mirror one last time and chanted, “You can do this!You can! Put on a smile and let's go!”

I went into the kitchen to grab my lunch when Steven came in. “Morning!” he said. “How'd you sleep?”

“I was up and down all night.” I said with a smile on my face. “I feel terrible.”

Steven looked confused. “You feel terrible?”

“I sure do!” I said in a sing song voice.

“But you look so happy.”

“That's because I've decided to use the 'fake it until you make theory' today.”

Steven laughed. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

“What do you mean?” I took a deep breath and put an even bigger smile on my face. “People do it all the time.”

“Sure they do.” Steven said. “But they do it with jobs and relationships. I’m pretty sure you can't fake not being tired.”

“Watch me.” I grabbed my keys and headed out the door. Steven stood in the doorway watching me. I walked to the car trying my best to walk with an upbeat style. My shoulders were back, my arms swinging by my sides and I was taking deep and purposeful breaths. “I'm feeling better already!” I called over my shoulder as I unlocked my car and got in.

“Like I said, good luck with that.”

I gave a quick wave as I backed out of the driveway. Halfway down my street I turned the air conditioning on full blast and adjusted the vents to land right on my face. “That's better.” I said as I turned on the radio and found a station that was playing hard rock. Turning it up until I could feel the bass thumping in my chest I continued on my way to work.

“Don't forget to smile.” I reminded myself. “It's going to be a beautiful day!”

I could feel my eyes burning from lack of sleep. “Oh, no you don't.” I reprimanded myself. “Your eyes hurt because the sun is so bright and it's a beautiful today.” I reached into the console and got my sunglasses. “There you go! Perfect!” I sang as I put them on.

I pulled into my spot in the parking lot at work. Gathering my things I opened my car door but before I got out I gave myself another quick pep talk. “It's going to be a great day!” I said in my sing song voice. “You can do this!”

I hadn't realized my friend was parked next to me just sitting in her car. “Morning.” she said her head leaned back against the headrest, her eyes half closed.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Awful night.” she said. “I'm exhausted.”

Seeing her like that was all it took. It was like looking in a mirror. “Me too.” I sighed as my shoulders slumped, and my lunch bag and pocketbook felt too heavy to carry. “How are we ever going to make it though the day?” I whined.

“I don't know.” she shook her head sadly. “Good luck to you.” she called as I dragged myself across the parking lot feeling like the only hope left for me was the soda machine in the break room. “Caffeine.” I whispered.