RELEASE THE CONTROLLER

Steven and I have been watching separate T.V.'s for years, mostly because we had vastly different tastes in shows. But recently we decided we wanted to spend more time together so, here we were, sitting on the couch while Steven channel surfed.

“Can we please just land on a show and watch it?” I begged. I was getting dizzy as Steven flew through the channels, rejecting them before I even had a chance to see what was on.

“There's nothing on,” he complained.

“Good, then give me the controller.” I said, holding out my hand, waiting to see if he'd actually give it to me. “I can always find something to watch.”

“It's not your night to decide.” He reminded me. “I'll find something.” he said, going through the more obscure channels and stopping for a longer look-see at the Golf Network.

“Please don't.” I begged as I watched some guy picking tiny pieces of something off the green, setting up to make his putt. “Do you even know any of the guys that are playing?”I asked.

“It doesn't matter.” Steven sat up straighter on the couch and pointed to the television. “I bet he can't make this putt!” He said, sounding as if he had money on the game.

I sat patiently as Mr. Golfer did everything but dig a trench to the hole. The tension and anticipation mounted in the announcer's whispered voices as they explained each step Mr. Golfer was taking.

Of course, by now, I'd closed my eyes to wait until a thunderstorm blew thought the game or the guy finally made his putt, whichever came first.

I'm not sure how long I'd been dozing when I woke up and the game had only moved to the next hole. The same amount of non-excitement was going through the hushed crowd.

It was then that I heard a familiar sound coming from the other end of the couch where Steven was laying. It was faint, but I still recognized his snore.

Sitting up, I looked over to see him fast asleep, but still clutching the controller tightly against his chest.

Getting up slowly, I tip-toed over to him to try and gently pry the controller from his grip. I wasn't even touching him yet when his eyes popped open. “What are you doing?” he asked, tucking the controller behind his pillow.

“Oh, come on!” I complained. “You're not even watching television anymore!”

Steven kept his hand behind the pillow. “I might not be watching but I was still listening.” he reasoned.

“You were snoring!” I said as I sat back down.

“Well, then, I want to thank you for waking me up.” He pulled the controller out from behind the pillow and adjusted the sound to be a bit louder. “I didn't want to miss this putt.”

“Don't forget it's my turn to have the remote tomorrow.” I reminded him.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have an appointment tomorrow night.”

“You what?” I sat up straighter. “That's not fair!” I cried.

“What do you mean?” he looked confused. “It's still your day to have the controller.”

“I know, but clearly half the fun of having the controller is being able to make the other person watch shows they have no interest in.” I pointed to the golf game.

Steven shrugged his shoulders then looked over at me and smiled. “What can I say except it's a win-win for me.”

FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT

I was showered, dressed and ready for work. I looked into the bathroom mirror one last time and chanted, “You can do this!You can! Put on a smile and let's go!”

I went into the kitchen to grab my lunch when Steven came in. “Morning!” he said. “How'd you sleep?”

“I was up and down all night.” I said with a smile on my face. “I feel terrible.”

Steven looked confused. “You feel terrible?”

“I sure do!” I said in a sing song voice.

“But you look so happy.”

“That's because I've decided to use the 'fake it until you make theory' today.”

Steven laughed. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

“What do you mean?” I took a deep breath and put an even bigger smile on my face. “People do it all the time.”

“Sure they do.” Steven said. “But they do it with jobs and relationships. I’m pretty sure you can't fake not being tired.”

“Watch me.” I grabbed my keys and headed out the door. Steven stood in the doorway watching me. I walked to the car trying my best to walk with an upbeat style. My shoulders were back, my arms swinging by my sides and I was taking deep and purposeful breaths. “I'm feeling better already!” I called over my shoulder as I unlocked my car and got in.

“Like I said, good luck with that.”

I gave a quick wave as I backed out of the driveway. Halfway down my street I turned the air conditioning on full blast and adjusted the vents to land right on my face. “That's better.” I said as I turned on the radio and found a station that was playing hard rock. Turning it up until I could feel the bass thumping in my chest I continued on my way to work.

“Don't forget to smile.” I reminded myself. “It's going to be a beautiful day!”

I could feel my eyes burning from lack of sleep. “Oh, no you don't.” I reprimanded myself. “Your eyes hurt because the sun is so bright and it's a beautiful today.” I reached into the console and got my sunglasses. “There you go! Perfect!” I sang as I put them on.

I pulled into my spot in the parking lot at work. Gathering my things I opened my car door but before I got out I gave myself another quick pep talk. “It's going to be a great day!” I said in my sing song voice. “You can do this!”

I hadn't realized my friend was parked next to me just sitting in her car. “Morning.” she said her head leaned back against the headrest, her eyes half closed.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Awful night.” she said. “I'm exhausted.”

Seeing her like that was all it took. It was like looking in a mirror. “Me too.” I sighed as my shoulders slumped, and my lunch bag and pocketbook felt too heavy to carry. “How are we ever going to make it though the day?” I whined.

“I don't know.” she shook her head sadly. “Good luck to you.” she called as I dragged myself across the parking lot feeling like the only hope left for me was the soda machine in the break room. “Caffeine.” I whispered.  

SPIDER SQUASHING SKILLS

Dinner was done, the kitchen was clean and I was just about to sit down on the couch for the first time all day. But before I could even get into the living room I heard my son Alex call, “Mom, can you come here for a minute?”

At first it didn't sound like anything urgent so there was a split second that I thought about pretending I didn't hear him. But, he was persistent. “Mommmmm!” he called again “You've got to see this!”

I headed down the hall to where he was standing. “What?”

“Check it out.” he pointed to something on the wall.

As I got closer I finally saw the giant mosquito he was pointing to. “Wow, that thing is huge!” It had a three inch wing span.

“I know!”

“Let me go get a tissue.” I was about to go into the bathroom when Alex held one out for me. “I'm way ahead of you.” he said.

“Wait,” I took the tissue from him. “You were waiting for me to kill it?”

“You're better at it then I am.” he stood behind me.

“It's a mosquito.” I said as I grabbed the bug off the wall and headed to the bathroom to show him his new home. With a quick flush he was on his way. “I can't believe you had to call me to get rid of him.”

“I didn't have to call you.” he was headed back to his room. “We just all know how much you like bug catching.”

“What? Are you kidding me? Who ever said that?”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know, it's just always been known.”

Shaking my head I went back to the living room to finally sit down and relax. I actually got a good hour of down time before I heard Steven calling, “Hey, I've got a huge spider for you!”

“Oh come on!” I yelled as I headed to the master bathroom. “Why can't anyone else get rid of the bugs around here!”

Steven was standing in the bathroom door way. “Look at the size of that one.” he was pointing towards the corner by the wastebasket. “It's a big one huh!”

I looked at him. “Why do you sound like you're giving me a present.”

“Because we all know how much you like bug hunting.”

“WHO STARTED THAT RUMOR?” I asked as I grabbed a tissue from the box on the sink and went in for the squish. “I hate bugs!” I moved the wastebasket and the spider spun around to face me.

Just then the lights went out. “WHAT!” I jumped back, picturing the spider using the dark opportunity to lunge for my face.

Steven was laughing as he turned the light back on. “I thought maybe you'd like more of a challenge.”

“Are you insane!” I turned around to see the giant spider headed my way. “Oh man, oh man, oh man.” I chanted as I scooped the spider up in the tissue and sent him to join the mosquito. I shuddered as I flushed the toilet.

“Update for all of you!” I called out to everyone in the house. “I DON'T LIKE BEING THE BUG SQUASHER!”

“You say that now,” Steven walked with me as I headed back to the couch. “But we all know you do.”

TRIPLE THREAT

For the past few weeks my family and I have been watching a Mama deer and her three babies wander around our neighborhood. She'd take them from yard to yard giving them a tour. The fawns would stop for a moment at each yard and nibble on some grass before scampering after their Mama. You couldn't help but smile at such a sweet sight.

So, you can imagine how happy I was the day I spotted the triplets in our back woods bedded down for the day. “You've got to come see this!” I called to my husband Steven and our son Alex.

We went quietly out on our deck making sure not to scare them away. We sat and watched their little heads peeking out at us from behind the trees.

“How sweet are they.” I whispered.

Alex scanned the woods, “I don't see the Mom.” he whispered.

“I'm sure she's close by.” I looked around to see if I could find her myself. “Nope, I don't see her.” I looked over at Steven. “You know, I'm kind of honored that she felt our yard was safe enough to leave them here.”

Just then one of the fawns got up and slowly came to the edge of the woods. He stood looking at us for a moment before leaning over to begin eating the seeds out of my bird feeder.

Steven and Alex quickly looked over at me. Knowing how I hated when the deer emptied my feeder at night, they were waiting to see my reaction.

“That's okay.” I reassured them. “He's just a baby, I can share my feeder this time.”

We watched as he slowly drained the seeds. I have to admit he was starting to loose some of his charm.

Just then another of the triplets came out of the woods and began getting closer to the deck where we were sitting.

“Look, he's not even afraid of us.” I whispered as the fawn slowly came to the side of the deck. We watched as he poked his tiny little nose through the rails, his mouth frantically trying to reach my tomato plant. When he finally got hold of some leaves he quickly pulled the plant back through the rails, chomping ever so happily on my plant.

“HEY!” I called, but he didn't seem to even flinch as he stuck his head back through the rails to go back for more.

Before I could even get up I saw the final triplet had come out of hiding and had pulled a big chunk of my lawn out by the roots. He was staring at us with my lawn hanging out of his mouth.

I'd had enough.

“That's it!” I jumped up waving my arms. “Are you kidding me!” I cried, all three of the fawns stopped what they were doing and looked over at me. “GO! SCAT!” I was clapping my hands and stomping my feet.

I could hear Steven and Alex laughing behind me, but I couldn't stop myself. I kept up my crazy arm waving until the triplets hopped over the fence and went into the next yard.

“That's right!” I called. “Keep it moving!”

Satisfied that they'd moved on I turned back to my guys sitting up on the deck.

“Wow!” Steven said. “You go from zero to sixty in crazy when someone touches your tomato plants!” he was laughing.

“I thought they were going to be sweet little babies.” I climbed back up the stairs and sat back down in my chair. “I had no idea they were a wandering wrecking crew!”

PSYCHIC WONDER

 I was on the phone with my sister Donna, telling her about the psychic reading I'd had at a friend's house party. “There were eight of us and we each got twenty minutes for a reading.” I explained.

“What did you think?”

“She was amazing!” I gushed. “She was telling people about their careers and what was going on with their kids!”

“What did she have to say to you?”

“She told me Dad was standing by me.” I could feel my eyes begin to well up just thinking about it. “That he wouldn't leave until I knew it was him.”

“How did she know it was Dad?” she asked.

“Well, that's the funny part.” I was looking out my front window, watching the dragonflies dart about. “First, she asked if I knew someone with a hurt arm.”

“That's Dad!” Donna cried. Our Dad had lost an arm in a motorcycle accident when he was a young man.

“I know that now, but I wasn't thinking of him.” I admitted.

“How could you not know it was Dad?”

“I don't know, I just didn't.”

“So how did you figure it out?”

“Well, she said that when a client didn't recognize who she's talking about she usually moved on to something else.” I sat down on the couch, grabbed a pillow and tucked it behind my back. “But she said that this particular person wouldn't leave. He was insisting on coming through. So then she said there was a hunting dog next to him, and that he was wearing a blue shirt.”

“Oh, you had to know it was Dad then.” She cried.

“Nope...” I had to laugh. “I still didn't know it was him.”

“Are you kidding? Dad always wore a blue shirt and he had hunting dogs before he met Mom.” Now she was laughing too.

“I'm telling you it just wasn't clicking.” I put my feet up on the coffee table.

“So what finally made you realize she was talking about Dad?”

“This is the best part!” I stopped talking when I heard someone in the kitchen. I looked at my watch to see if someone was looking for dinner but it was only 4:30, so I went back to my conversation. “Well...she was quiet for a second then she finally said, he's yelling Albie!”

Now both my sister and I were laughing. “I swear I can almost see Dad shaking his head, wondering why I'm so thick that he finally just yells his name.” I was laughing so hard I had to wipe a tear from the corner of my eye.

Just then my husband Steven came around the corner and interrupted our conversation, “You went to a psychic?” he asked, a look of concern on his face.

“Hold on a minute.” I said to my sister. Then looked at Steven as he stood there holding a sandwich. “I thought I told you about this.”

Steven shook his head. “I knew you went to the party, but I don't remember you saying anything about a psychic being there.”

“Humm. I guess I forgot to mention that.”

Steven didn't look convinced. “You don't really believe in that stuff do you?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “It was a fun thing to do at a party, Steven.” Then I shook my head and tried to sound dismissive, “No one was there was taking it seriously.”

Steven nodded. “Okay, as long as you know it's not real.” he left to go back to his office.

“Hey, I'm back.” I said to my sister.

“I just heard what you said. No one at the party was taking it seriously?” she asked.

I waited a moment making sure Steven had time to get to his office but I still lowered my voice to a whisper making sure he couldn't overhear me, “Are you kidding me?” I looked over, double checking to make sure he wasn't about to pop his head the corner and overhear me again. “We were all taking it seriously!” I cried. “I'm telling you she was amazing!”