SQUIRREL STANDOFF

I was sitting on my back deck, bouncing back and forth between feeling annoyed and resigned, while I watched a squirrel hanging upside down on my bird feeder. “How long can he do that?” I asked Steven, who was sitting next to me.

“What?” Steven looked up from his newspaper.

I pointed to the upside down squirrel. “He's been hanging like that for almost twenty minutes.”

Steven shrugged his shoulders.

“You'd think he'd feel like his head was about to explode!”

“It doesn't seem to be bothering him.” Steven went back to reading his paper.

“It's bothering me.” I grumbled. “He looks like he practicing to go on the Ninja Warrior obstacle course.” I was staring at the squirrel whose legs and arms were tightly wrapped around the cylinder bird feeder. He slowly turned his head and looked at me before going back to eating the seeds. “You know. Where the contestants wrap themselves around the giant log and it spins really fast, trying to knock them off.”

“Uh-hum.” Steven said, but when I looked over I could tell he wasn't really listening.

“He'd win.” I grumbled.

“Uh-hum.”

“You're not even listening to me.” I cried.

“I am.” Steven put his newspaper down. “You hate squirrels. I've got it.”

“I don't hate squirrels.” I corrected. “I just don't like when they eat out of the bird feeders.” I pointed to all the birds sitting on the tree branches waiting for the squirrel to leave. “I wouldn't even mind if he just took turns. But he'll hang upside down, eating until the feeder's empty!” I looked over at Steven. “How's that fair?”

“Oh, you want a fair squirrel?” Steven began looking at his phone. I assumed he'd gotten a business e-mail so I went back to staring at the squirrel, hoping he'd finally do the right thing and leave.

Just then my phone pinged. Picking it up I could see it was a text from Steven. I looked over at him. “Why are you texting me? I'm sitting right next to you!”

“Just open it.” he said, then smiled.

I opened the text and it was a picture of a tiny Adirondack chair hanging from the side of a tree with a squirrel sitting on it, eating a ear of corn. I held the phone up to Steven. “Are you kidding me? You want me to get a squirrel feeder?”

“No, but if you want him to stay away from the bird feeders it might be the only solution.” Steven looked over at the upside-down squirrel. “Do you really think he's enjoying his meal?” He pointed over to my phone. “Of course he'd rather be lounging in a chair when he eats.”

I thought about it for a moment. “Nope. Not hanging a tiny chair on a tree.” I shook my head no.

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “Well, then I'd get used to Rocky over there eating all your bird seed.”

It was right at that moment the squirrel did a little back-flip, landed on the ground and scurried away.

Steven pointed to the now empty feeder. “It looks like you'll need to refill that.”

I sighed then looked back at my phone. “The little chairs are kind of cute.” I admitted as I began scrolling through the site. “I wonder if they come in different colors?”