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KEY HUNT

I was running late as I opened the closet door and grabbed my coat. “Have a great day!” I called to my son Alex as he came out of his room.
“Thanks. You, too.”
I went into the kitchen and reached into the basket where we keep our keys. “Oh, for the love of...”
“Your keys aren't there?” Alex came into the kitchen.
“Oh course not!” I looked around the counter top, hoping that when I tossed them I'd missed the basket. They weren't there. “I hate this game!” I cried as I began looking around the house.
“For someone who hates this game you sure play it a lot!” Alex laughed as he began helping me look.
I went to look in my purse. Rummaging my hand around hoping to feel the metal of the keys. I finally grew tired and flipped the purse over, dumping the contents out on the chair. No keys. “Ugh! Have I mentioned I'm late!” I cried as I tossed the purse on top of the mess. I went to open the front door.
“Do you think you left them outside?” Alex asked with a confused look on his face. “How'd you get in the house without your keys?”
I looked at the doorknob. “No, I wanted to see if I left them hanging in the lock.” I looked at Alex as I shut the door. “I only did that once.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Don't judge me.” I said as I went to check the coffee table. “Nope.”
I stood looking around the room. “Ah ha!” I went over to the closet and began patting down my coat pockets. “Oh, come on!” I swung the door shut.
“Wow! You really wanted to play the longer game of find my keys today!”
“Not funny.” I said as I moved the pillows on the couch. “Did I mention I don't have time for this!”
“I'll go check your bedroom.” Alex walked down the hall.
“Thanks!” I called “I'm going to check the laundry room.” I made my way downstairs. Opening the laundry room door I flipped on the light and sure enough, there were my keys, sitting on the ironing board. Scooping them up I jogged up the stairs back to the living room. “Found them!” I called.
Alex came down the hall. “Where were they?”
I was stuffing the contents from my purse back into it. “The laundry room.”
“How'd they get there?” Alex shook his head.
“I have no idea.” I looked at my watch. “Well, there's ten minutes I'll never get back!” I grabbed the things I needed for work and headed for the door again.
Alex opened the door for me. “Try and have a better day.” he said as he held the door for me.
I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for helping me look.” I went out of the front porch.
“Hey, I love playing that game. Almost makes me want to hide them again!”
I stopped and swung around to look at him.
“Just kidding!” he held his hands up in a surrender. “I swear, whenever I find your keys I toss them in right in the basket for you.” He slowly began closing the door. “I can tell by the look on your face that it was too soon to joke about it though.” The door was almost closed when I heard him call. “Love you!”

TONE IT UP

My son Alex walked into the living room where I was sitting on the couch lifting five pound weights in the air. “What are you doing?” he asked as he sat in a chair across from me.

“I'm toning up my arms.” I pressed the weights up in the air.

“Are you suppose to be locking your elbows like that?” Alex seemed concerned.

I shook my head. “I have no idea.”

“I don't think that's the way you're suppose to be using them.” He grabbed a pillow and put it behind his head.

I put one weight down on the coffee table and began using just one to curl up to my shoulder.

Alex shook his head as he put his feet up on the coffee table. “Seriously, who showed you these exercises?”

I put the weight down. “Nobody. I made them up myself.” I felt my bicep. “I'm not too concerned about this part.” I waved my arm back and forth as I pointed under my arm. “It's this wiggly part that's driving me crazy!”

Alex laughed. “I'm sure there's real exercises you could be doing.”

I reached for my phone. “I'll Google it.” I began typing. 'How to get rid of flab' Wow! I didn't even have to finish typing it went right to flabby arms!” I scrolled through several videos. “Okay, here's one that says I'll see a difference in one week! Can't beat that!” I clicked on the site then sat back and watched. “Good news is, it's only ten minutes long.” I put my feet up on the coffee table. “Yeah, even better news I don't need the weights!”

I began listening to the chipper young girl who'd decided to film the video in what looked like her apartment. I turn the phone sideways to enlarge the picture. “I can't believe her kitchen has no counter space.” I look over at Alex. “How's she suppose to make a meal in there?”

Alex laughed. “Aren't you suppose to be doing it with her?”

I looked back at the video and could hear a puppy barking. “Where's the dog?” I asked the screen. The girl answers my question by telling the viewers that her puppy's in the other room. “Oh, man! I was hoping to see the puppy.” I leaned back holding the phone in my lap. She moved on to the next exercise. “Well, this one doesn't seem that hard either.”

“Why don't you try them with her?” Alex asks.

“I'm just want to see what I'm getting into.” I look back at the video. “Is that a boombox on the floor?” I look over at Alex. “Who has one of those anymore?” I shake my head. “She doesn't have any furniture but she has a boombox.” I'm still shaking my head.

“Any idea when you're planning on starting the exercises yourself?” Alex asks.

“Okay, she's getting to the end of her routine.” I could hear her panting. “Sounds like she's a little out of breath.” I looked over at Alex. “That's a good thing. No pain, no gain, right?”

“That's what they say.” Alex agreed.

The video finished. “Well, that might be a good one.” I said as I clicked it off.

“Aren't you going to try it?”

I nodded my head. “Yup. I'm pretty sure that's the one I'll use.”

Alex looked confused. “So...”

“Today was all about the research.” I put my phone on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch. “I'll start the program tomorrow.”

WHEEL OF COLOR

I'd just gotten back from a hairdresser's appointment and I was in the kitchen starting dinner when my son Alex came in. “Whoa! You changed your hair color!”

“Well, I didn't really have much to say about it.” I pulled out a pan from the drawer and put in on top of the stove.

“What do you mean you didn't have much to say about it.” He went to the cabinet and took out a glass then went to the refrigerator to get some water. “By the way it looks nice.”

“Thanks!” I stopped and took the ends of my hair between my fingers and tipped my hair up to look at it. “I guess I'm a brunette now.” I looked at Alex. “Does it have some auburn highlights?”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “I have no idea. I just know you left as a blond and now you have brown hair.” He leaned against the counter top and took a sip of water. “So,” he placed his glass down. “You didn't ask to change the color of your hair?”

“Nope. I never do.” I shook my head. “Denise looks at me when I walk into her shop and says things like, 'Do you want to warm up your color?' or 'We should really tone that down a bit.' and I just shake my head and say sure.” I went to the refrigerator and got out some burger meat. “Then she goes back in some small closet to put together my new color.” I walk over to the counter next to the stove and began making patties. I looked over at Alex and smiled. “Personally, I picture her holding a color chart where she flicks a spinning arrow to see what color I'm going to be.” I put the patties in the pan and turn on the stove. “She's like a chemist as she mixes all the ingredients into a little bowl, comes out, paints my head, turns on a timer, and forty five minutes later I get to see what color hair I'm going to have!” The burgers begin to sizzle in the pan. “Can you get the salad out of the fridge and put it on the table?”

“Sure.” Alex goes to the fridge and gets the salad. As he was walking to to table he passes behind me. “It does look nice.”

“Thanks.”

Alex came back and leaned against the counter. “But don't people usually tell the hairdresser what color they want to be?”

“I'm assuming yes.” I looked over at Alex. “But Denise and I have been doing this for years. She knows all I want to do is cover the gray and as long as she doesn't pick a cartoon color we're all good.” I took the spatula and flipped the burgers.

Alex shurgged his shoulders. “Well, if you're happy. I'm happy.”

Just then my husband Steven came into the kitchen. “Hey, I remember when you were that color a few years ago.”

I looked over at Steven and smiled. “Denise thought it was time to warm my color up.”

Steven looked confused. “What's that suppose to mean?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I wasn't sure either.” I smiled as I pointed to my head. “But I guess it means this!”

FLY SHOWDOWN

“I can't believe we're able to sit outside today.” I said as I turned my face up to the sun. “We were driving through a snowstorm the other day!”

My son Alex was leaned back in his Adirondack chair. “It's been pretty crazy weather.” Alex agreed. “Hey, look at this.”

I looked over at Alex who was pointing to a fly sitting on his leg. “It's January. Pretty weird seeing a fly this time of year.”

“Everything's confused.” I sighed. “I was driving the other day and saw a forsythia with a few blooms on it already.”

Alex shooed the fly from his leg but it just flew to another part of his pants. “This thing's the size of a small bird!” Alex shooed it again. It flew and landed on the arm of his chair. We watched as the fly slowly hopped around until it was facing him.

I laughed. “Looks like he's not done with you!”

We watched as the fly’s little legs danced back and forth on the arm of the chair, continuing to face toward Alex. “Well, this is creepy.”

“He looks like he's ready for a fight.” I laughed again.

Just then the fly took off heading straight for Alex's face.

“Whoa!” Alex laughed as it quickly landed on his face before he swatted it off. “I think I made him mad.”

I waved my hand around in case he decided to double back towards us again. “I'm sure they serve a purpose but I'm not a big fly fan seeing that they spend most of their time combing over garbage piles and landing on poop!”

“Oh, that's a nice thought.” Alex said as he brushed the shoulder of his sweatshirt against his face. “I just had his little garbage feet dancing on my face.”

“Well, now its got me interested.” I said as I picked up my phone and Googled 'Flies you see in the winter.' I scrolled through a few sites. “Okay, it says that it's probably a Cluster fly.”

“Well, that sounds disgusting.” Alex laughed.

“Wait!” I held up the phone. “Good news. Cluster fly’s are completely parasitic on earthworms!”

“What?” Alex looked confused. “How's that suppose to make me feel better?”

“They lay their eggs near earthworm's burrows and the larvae feed on the earthworms!”

Alex shook his head. “That doesn't answer what the adults eat.”

I scrolled further. “It says the adults eats nectar, plant sap and fruit.” I looked over at Alex. “See

it's all good.”

Alex looked around our stark yard. “Okay, where's the nectar, plant sap and fruit it's eating?”

I sighed. “Okay, I see your point. But in his defense he's really suppose to be hibernating right now.”

“Bloated garbage feet.” He wiped his face again.

“Ahh, you named him!”

REOCCURRING NIGHTMARE

I'd just gotten up and was headed to the kitchen when my husband Steven stopped me in the hallway.

“Morning.” he said giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. “How'd you sleep?”

I shook my head. “I had that same stupid nightmare again.” I sighed.

“Which one?” he looked concerned.

“The one where my only mode of transportation is an office chair.” I rubbed my eye with the back of my hand. “I swear this must be the fifth time I've been in the middle of a dream and I walk outside and there it is, sitting in our driveway, an ugly black office chair on wheels!” I tried to stifle a yawn. “I can't figure out why I keep having that chair pop up!”

Our son Alex came out of his room. “Morning!” he said as he headed towards the kitchen.

“You're not going to believe what had a cameo appearance in my dream last night.” I said as I followed him out to the kitchen.

“The office chair?”

That caught me by surprise. “Yeah! How did you know?” I got my tea kettle and went over to the sink to fill it with water.

Alex laughed. “I just heard you tell Dad.” He reached in the cabinet to get two mugs.

“Okay, that makes sense. ” I put the kettle on the stove and turned it on. “I remember the first time I had that dream.” I turned around and leaned against the counter. I looked over as Steven came into the kitchen. “I walk out of the house and there's the office chair sitting in the driveway where my car should have been. I was late for work so I felt like I had no other choice but use it. I was so embarrassed as I wheeled myself down the street. First I tried sitting forward, digging my heels in but I wasn't going very fast and I getting anxious because I was late. So, I turned my seat around and pushed with my legs as I looked over my shoulder to see where I was going.” I shook my head. “I remember sitting at a light watching the other people in cars just staring at me.” I gave a little snort. “At least now, when I see the office chair in my dreams, I hear myself saying, 'Seriously, not again!' and the dream usually ends.” I looked from Steven to Alex. “Why do you think I keep dreaming about that stupid chair?”

Steven shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “I have no idea.”

Alex put the tea bags in the mugs and placed them by the kettle. “I know why you had it last night.”

I looked over at him. “Really? Why?”

“Don't you remember when we were out yesterday? We drove by an office chair, someone was throwing out. It was laying on it's side by the curb?” He leaned against the opposite counter from me. “You're always talking about those dreams so I said, 'Looks like someone got in an accident, hope no one got hurt.'”

“Oh yeah!” I laughed as I nodded my head. “You're right, that does explain it.” I felt better knowing what caused it. The kettle started to whistle so I turned off the stove. “But that still doesn't explain why I had the dream the first time.” I looked at Alex as he held up his hands and shook his head.

“Don't ask me, I have no idea!”

I looked over at Steven. “Nope, not a clue.”

WINTER WALKS

“How about today?” I asked my son Alex as I stood next to the window.

Alex came over next to me and looked outside. “Nope. Too windy.”

“Ah, man.” I sighed. “What's the criteria again for outdoor walking?”

Alex looked over at the outdoor thermometer. “It needs to be 42 degrees and above, which it is.” Then he looked out the window again. “But it also needs to be full sun and no wind.” He turned back and looked at me. “There's no sun today and it's windy.”

I sighed again.

“Hey, we made these rules up together!” Alex laughed. “It's not like you weren't with me when we made the mistake of walking when it's too cold out, the suns not shining, and there's even a little breeze.”

“I know, but I just hate the treadmill.” I didn't bother keeping the disappointment from my voice.

“It's not so bad, I use it all the time.” Alex patted me on the shoulder before I went over and plopped myself on the couch, putting my feet up on the coffee table.

“But there's nothing to look at when I'm on the treadmill.” I frowned. “I might as well be using a hamster wheel.”

Alex laughed again.

“Wait, I take that back.” I slid my feet off the coffee table and sat back up, holding my pointer finger in the air. “At least a hamster wheel would be more fun!” I then settled further into the couch and my bad mood.

“So you've decided you're not going to walk at all?” Alex leaned against the door frame.

I didn't answer for a moment but then got up and began doing leg stretches. “I didn't say that.” I looked over at him and smiled. “But, instead of the treadmill do you want to go walk the mall with me?”

“We're just walking it right?” Alex looked suspicious. “You're not going to be doing any shopping are you?” His eyes narrowed even further as he studied my face.

I shook my head. “Nope. No shopping.” I held my hand up to swear. “Promise.”

“Okay then, sure. I'll go with you.” We both headed to our rooms to get ready.

Once my sneakers and a light sweatshirt were on I went back out to the living room.

Alex looked at me. “You're not going to wear a coat?”

I grabbed my car keys off the counter. “I don't want to walk the mall wearing a coat.” I held up the keys. “I'll just run outside and warm up the car.” When I came back in I couldn't help but shiver as I pushed my hair away from my face. “You're right, it is too windy out to walk.”

Alex went over to get some water bottles. “Are you ready?”

I reached for my wallet inside my pocketbook and pulled out my credit card.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked.

“You know I don't like to carry my pocketbook when we walk the mall.” I dropped the wallet back into my purse. “I'm going to lock it in the trunk.”

“I know that.” he pointed to the credit card I was slipping into my back pocket. “I'm talking about that.” he looked suspicious again. “Why do you need a credit card?”

“Why does anyone need a credit card?” I said as I gave him a big smile.

Alex just shook his head and sighed as he headed for the front door. “Maybe we should make rules for indoor walking too.”